And 2012 is drawing to a close..

I'm so scared of what comes next.
Not good scared, not excited scared.
I'm terrified of where my life is going.
I really have to stop being such a child. I have to start thinking about my future. I have to get my life together. I have to make up my mind about what I want to do. And I have to stand firm behind it.
I've always wanted to do so many things but never gone and done them, and in the end, I always blame it on my parents, saying "oh, they won't let me do it" (which is true, don't get me wrong, they do disapprove of many of my ideas and want my life to go in a certain preplanned way) but I always had a sneaking suspicion that if i insisted on doing what I wanted, if i was sure, if I stood firm, if I was sure, if I was willing to fight for it and I was willing to stake everything on it, they would let me try, however begrudgingly . But I never was sure about one thing.. I never believed enough in one thing, or in myself.

Damn it. These 4 years have gone way too fast. I've played too hard, not studied hard enough.
The funny thing is that even though I'm scared right now, I think things will turn out okay. I will be okay... in maybe 10 years. I'll be okay.
Maybe that's optimism, or maybe it's stupidity.
But things will be okay. I will become the person I always wanted to be.
I believe in that much
I still believe in myself a little

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Sunday is gloomy

I spent the whole day in my pyjamas because i feel blue and pathetic. I'm currently looking at cute pictures on tumblr to cheer myself up. In other news there is a poet that i ADORE on tumblr. Her poems are making me cry today. _

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