Goodbye 2010.

A lot has happened this year...
and now.. it's the last day.
It went by so fast.
First half of the year was like...
msn till 4am every night
being miserable and melodramatic
and suddenly i realized that i'd st opped doing that
and that it was october.

I'm posting this before work instead of when i get home so that it's still 2010 in nz when this entry goes up.

I hope everyone has a great new years eve. !!
like genuinely.
I'll stop complaining that i'm not doing anything special..

BUT

Most importantly, I just want to thank everyone for being part of my 2010
It's been really great.
I hope that everyone will continue being part of my life 2011, share another year of their lives with me and that by the end of 2011 we'll have had another year filled with great memories.

Love (lots and lots of it),

Amy

_

Sorry about the sentiment^^;;;
and
wow i just realized my title was really cliche.
_

2010 closure: five

okay so i lied
i'm sorry but i can't post the last one.
it's... just..
well... i can't do it.
it's too personal. too blatantly pathetic.
but i also can't bring myself to delete it.
so... uhh.. yea.
let me hang on to one thing from 2010 okay?
it'll probably end up in a folder i have, specifically for things like this lol

So Mac quoted this to me from How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe: A Novel

" I don't miss him any more. Most of the time, anyway. I want to. I wish I could but unfortunately, it's true: time does heal. It will do so whether you like it or not, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. If you're not careful, time will take away everything that ever hurt you, everything you have ever lost, and replace it with knowledge. Time is a machine: it will convert your pain into experience. Raw data will be compiled, will be translated into a more comprehensible language. The individual events of your life will be transmuted into another substance called memory and in the mechanism something will be lost and you will never be able to reverse it, you will never again have the original moment back in its uncategorised, preprocessed state. It will force you to move on and you will not have a choice in the matter. "


and well. it really got to me.
(i really want to read this book now)
but i also felt that it was a good way to end my year of thinking about the past and being emo and regretful etc etc
and
all that jazz.
 
_

2010 closure: four

Bad emo poetry !!
Writing this was... lots of fun.
ehehehe.

~

There's nothing left for you here
no one to hide from, to love or to fear
Just the echo of your own footsteps
and the ring of silence in your ears.

You had long wished for this release
For emotions to be nothing for pain to cease
And now you're in your perfect world
one that decided to grant you your peace.

You traded your all, your soul for this
No light in your world, an eternal eclipse
You dreamt and waited and prayed for this
To be lost forever and never be missed.

Your only instinct is to rejoice
That when you yell no one hears your voice
that you'll forget how to love, hate or feel
that you'll never get hurt so you won't have to heal.

_

2010 closure: three

Forgive me.
These entries are horrible and emo and... stuff.
maybe that's why i didn't publish them before.
Maybe i should've let them remain drafts.
But.. well...
I guess i should finish what i started
lol
I almost didn't post this tonight cause of the comment on my last one and how happy and touched it made me feel. but yea
finishing what i started.
_

"i'm LONELY"

someone VERY WISE once told me that i should never txt that to a guy.
heh.
so i tried it on him.
all i got was a "well played"
bastard =="
you know who you are.

I deliberately isolate myself sometimes.
To me, it's like running away for a short while.

Hiding in public library.
Hiding in Borders reading.
Walking home alone at night.
Watching a movie by myself.
Leaving my phone at home.
Sitting in Aotea Square by myself and watching people walk by.
Appearing offline, not talking to anyone and watching people sign on and off msn.
Curling up in bed when no one else is at home and pretending i'm not at home either.

Sometimes I let the loneliness wash over me.
and consume me.
And I feel so lonely that I can't stand it.

Because I want to be miserable?
that's not it.

I love being with everyone and hate being lonely.
but.
I'm just practising.
I know I'll never be content with being alone
I wish I could be though.
'cause.
something something hurt something something something.

_

2010 closure: two

The reason i wanted to do this i guess was to clear my drafts "folder" for the new year.
So i can start afresh in 2011.
And to offer myself some closure (as the title suggests)
Also to offer myself a last chance to rant about these things that I bugged people about for the whole year.

here's the second one:
(also written in november)
I don't know what i want.

I don't know whether I should run; give myself a reason to run, i'm very good at that.
Whether I should be brave for once.... and take a step forward...
Or stay where I am, hiding and retreating from everything.
I'm safe that way, aren't I?
I don't know how to not hesitate.
I don't know if I want to not hesitate.
I don't know my own heart.

help me.

_

2010 closure: one

Here is, as promised the first of my unpublished entries.
They will be in no particular order.
I wanted to post this one first cause all i listen to these days is taylor swift.

(Written a day after I'd listened to the entirety of Taylor Swift's latest album)

.you're the kind of reckless that should send me running
.Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, they'll judge it like they know about me and you
.I go back to December all the time
.The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
.all that i know is i don't know how to be something you miss

If the album had come out say... 6 months earlier...
And I'd heard it.. I probably would've died.
or at least really really hated some of the songs.
I'm pathetic, really.
I'm glad my mindset is somewhat different now.
And i could enjoy her songs.
But i still couldn't help letting those lines get to me just a little.

Damn you Taylor Swift.

_

Last Christmas

I gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away.
This year
to save me from tears
I'll give it someone special.

That's not true at all actually.

But i REALLY like that song.

Last Christmas...
I just got really wasted at Kendra's
(please guys don't comment on here about what happened cause that's just embarrassing kthnx.)
good times.

This year... i'm in taiwan. and it's raining..
but at least i'm with the small portion of my family that i like. so it's okay.
=]

Merry Christmas everyone <3

P.S. in the next days leading up to 2011 i'll be posting one entry per day of draft entries that i didn't post over 2010 so sorry there's gonna be maybe some pretty ....... stuff.
fill in that gap however you wish.

<3

What work has taught me (personally)

-Staples are evil.
-Staple removers are useless.
-Paper clips, however, are wonderful amazing useful things.
-If you smile a lot, people won't mind that you don't know their names.
-High school kids should be given less credit. For everything.
-Companies have A LOT of excess paper. A LOT.
-Climbing the stairs from the 2nd floor to the 11th floor is tiring but a shorter distance than I'd thought.
-Work is tiring... makes me cbf everything. like. blogging. msn. even just turning on the computer.
-If you don't want things to be explained to you for the hundredth time, don't make any mistakes.
-The years spent at school are the best days of our lives.
- I was right about not wanting an office job. It makes me a boring person.

_