gg.

nutella relapse.

_

Ever since I was little..

I've been good at arguing..

not debating. I sucked at it.
not banter. I'm not witty enough.
But arguing with people.
but anyway...
I used to win 80% of the arguments i got into.
simply because I actually listen when people are talking.
I remember every detail... because I actually care about what they're saying.
(not that i'm saying everytime i talk to someone, it'll ultimately lead to an argument, just that i remember what people say so AS A RESULT i have more ammunition if i DO get into an argument)
and I always thought people listened to me too.
But I eventually realised that I was wrong.
A lot of the time, people don't give a fuck about what you're saying because they're too busy thinking about the next thing they're gonna say, or how right they are as opposed to you, or how blue the sky is, or how pretty that chick over there is, or what they're gonna have for dinner.
I don't know.
But I learnt that this gave me an edge in arguments.
Because i could repeat word for word what they had said to me. And point out the flaws and/or how I'm right in relation to what they had said. I could actually logicall tear apart their arguments.
and unless they blatantly lie, they can't deny anything.
And because they weren't listening to me in the first place... that they can't come up with a rebuttal... so they give up.

But then, I grew up a little.. and decided i didn't have to argue all the time.
...that i could just be a pacifist.
because the frustration that comes with someone who has no idea what they're talking about and argues for the sake of arguing and comes up with stupid shit and expects me to believe it (as if they think I'm an idiot) really just makes me madder.
wait, i think the worst thing is the realisation that what I'd said didn't mean and probably never meant a thing to them.
Because obviously, they didn't care or hadn't cared enough to listen.

But also, i didn't want to be the bad guy anymore. Because I was more aggressive, because I stuck up for myself, because i was never the supposed 'victim; no one ever sympathised with me... Becasue I didn't need other people to protect me, things were always my fault.

So..
my arguing skills have dimished.
I'm VERY out of practise.
or maybe I'm just too lazy to argue now.
but.. i think.
maybe i should stop trying to be a pacifist because i'm clearly not one.
And some things are worth getting angry over. And arguing over.
but then.
i guess i'd have to get used to hearing "omg why's amy so rage"
ah, how i dread it.

_

Hey Amy!

Remember this?

http://kimi-ni-aitai.blogspot.com/2011/01/happy-new-year-exclamation-mark.html


you suck.

_

I put my faith in you

What a stupid thing to do.

I'm so disappointed.

Maybe I'm not the world's best friend.
Maybe I'm not always being as good a friend as I should be
But. I try. Really hard.
And everything I do.... it's because I actually think you're a good friend of mine. One of my best friends.
and yet, time and time again... you disapppoint me.

Maybe I'm overreacting.
But i don't think this is even about what happened...
more about your attitude.
Do you honestly think what you did wasn't even a little bit wrong?
Do you honestly not understand why I got mad?

I'm always on your side.
And i thought you'd be on mine.
I'm too stupid.
maybe.
and maybe i was stupid for thinking that i was different
and that you wouldn't use me to your advantage.
but you did.
you sold me out...
and for what exactly?
I don't even know...

I honestly... wonder why i ever bothered.
And maybe... i should stop bothering.

_

i never think before i act.

I always say:
"I didn't want this to happen!"
"I didn't mean for this to happen!"
"why did it turn out this way?'

well fuck you amy.
that's no excuse.

learn to think.

_

"If I were loved, as I desire to be"

If I were loved, as I desire to be,
What is there in the great sphere of the earth
And range of evil between death and birth,
That I should fear, - if I were loved by thee?

                                                              -Tennyson

It's funny.

i check my blog daily.
as if i'm hoping for new entries posted by me that i haven't read before.
but. there's never any.
haha...
i wonder why =__=""
mmm
I've been happy lately ^^
like, really happy.
it don't know if it's the weather, or if it's a change of attitude or whatever it is,
i'm happy.
And the reasons don't matter.

And no, i haven't ditched my blog for facebook.
and um.
yea, i have more stuff to say
but
didnt wanna sound emo cause i'd already said i was "really happy" earlier in this entry
haha~~

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