Why is goodbye so hard?
I never loved you anyway.
Harsh, I know,
but reality is.
 Though,
if you hadn't smiled at me that day,
perhaps things would be different.

I'd hated my time with you.
each silence sparked by a sentence left unsaid
was like a splinter
stuck under my skin, in my flesh
and I feel, even now, those
sudden sharp stabs.
Oh how I regret letting them
scratch at my tongue, at the insides of my mouth.
My malice wasn't easy to contain you know,
but I hadn't wanted to damage you that much.
Just... Enough.

And I'd hoped the damage dealt would be
 like papercuts -
sudden, unexpected, clean..
Invisible at first, you'd think nothing of it until
the pain, delayed by a millisecond,
would catch up, sink in.
The blood would surface, slowly at first
then suddenly, all at once.
Like the look of surprise spreading across your face.

And best of all,
papercuts are slow healing.
you'd hold a pen,
touch a piano key
 flinch
and be reminded of my words, your wounds.

_

hi

Okay so i've been working on a new piece of my shitty random writing of not really poetry but when i edited on my phone at uni it didn't save and then gg now I can't remember how it went and I'm very much discouraged.
so I'm just gonna rant for a bit instead.

zzzzzzzzzz I can't tell if you're serious or not it's really annoying me and I can't tell what kind of person you are so I don't really know if I can trust you it's pissing me off but really not that much lol idk I hate not knowing exactly what's going on but then what's the worse that could happen this isn't really that big a deal I'm sure you're nice enough but then I don't know!!
asbfjdaghuflhgskhfdjkahdfkj
oh I'm so eloquent.

zzz

_

sigh

the drafts are piling up again...

_

Been reading a lot of poetry lately

And sometimes when the poem's just too damn good, I sort of curl up and rock back and forth for a bit.
And whimper. lol.
I have to close my eyes for a second, or close the book, put it down and collect myself.
Sometimes I might have to get up and walk around for a bit.
Maybe jump up and down a couple of times.
Cause it would actually pain me to continue reading.
It's like, if I did, my heart and my mind would just explode.

Death by poetry, imagine that.

_

Spent the whole day listening to this on repeat

so good T^T

_

wow I wrote this 2 years ago in the middle of the night

Who are you
to force your way
into my day,
into my mind
so that I find
my scattered thoughts
on the ground like fallen leaves?

Who are you
to reach into my dreams
and grab my hand
as if you planned
for this moment to come and
then last forever?

As if this weren't enough
who are you
to invade my thoughts
like you fought
for the right
to be there
on my sleepless nights?

And as the one who stayed
by my side
day after day
night after night
who are you
to then decide
to turn away
and never look back?

_

sorry.. i was too lazy to write a new one today.. so i'm cheating.

"Eyeliner and cigarettes" she sang.
well, that's what I'd like to have in my purse.
And a little bit of money, maybe.
Matches too, a little box,
I'm not asking for much.

Perhaps I'll dress in black,
look melancholy,
mimic musicians - the ones who aren't doing so well.
I'll stand outside bars with smudged makeup,
practised nonchalance,
and one foot against the wall.
 Isn't that how they do it?

I'd light a cigarette, hold it delicately
between my fingers.
Bring it to my lips, gracefully,
inhale, exhale. 
Arrange my expressions carefully,
knowing people are watching the rise and fall
of my chest and the smoke curling.

Perhaps it'd be a beacon
that could lead you to me.
That faint red glow, enough to light your way.
I wouldn't even have to burn any bridges.

Then, with black coffee and sugar
we could banish sleep and stain our teeth.

I'm always looking for another vice.

_

Do that sexy thing you do with your tongue

Talk intelligently and at length

_

(source: http://cutlerish.tumblr.com/ )

I forgot what you said that night
You were whispering and so was I.
I remember the spider on the wall though,
and my grip on the telephone receiver.
 I remember the way you spoke,
not your voice.
The way you pronounced your words
what you stressed and left,
unstressed.

I forgot what I said that night
I only know I was lying.
my words were coated with deceit...
which left a sugary taste on my tongue.
who knew.
I'd only heard that revenge was sweet.

_

Today

as I was walking home across the Symonds street bridge, I started to think again about what it'd be like to jump over the the railings, to fall to my death.
I, or anyone.
But I prefer writing in first person.

Would I sit atop them for a moment? Let my feet dangle? Would I look down at the cars speeding past on the motorway?
Would I close my eyes and let myself slip, like a scarf that you tossed on the back of your chair slips, suddenly and without warning, seemingly triggered by nothing?
Would I look back hurriedly one last time, hoping for a glimpse of something significant, something beautiful to be my last sight?
Or would I close my eyes and leap off the edge, and, for a moment, feel like I'm flying?
How cliche.

_

Hey Idiot,

I suddenly miss you.
I was going through old entries and saw one of your comments and it made me laugh. But also made me want to insult you. Hence me addressing you as 'idiot'.
I wonder if you still read my blog sometimes. You used to appear in my comments on occasion.
I doubt it lol you're too busy for me now.
I can't believe it's been so long since you left. You lucky bastard.
It's been ages since we talked wtf.
Sigh.
I feel like reminiscing about old times. Maybe I'll go find all that msn message history and skim through that familiar green font.
_

Everytime I go to a concert and I'm standing there among the crowd in the dark, listening to a slow song that I really love, I feel like reaching out to the person next to me and slipping my hand into theirs.

And everytime, without fail, I am reminded me of this passage from Ella Enchanted

For the last song a paean to the rising sun (because they have performed through the night), they gather their families about them. Husbands and wives and children clasp hands, tilt their heads heavenward, and release their music. And I, seated with the few other visitors, add my weak voice to theirs, humming when I can't guess the words and wishing my hands were held too.

 I'm also reminded of the concert scene from Nana

 And in the movie

omg so emotional T^T

lol you guys probably have no idea what I'm talking about and just think I'm creepy.
which I am.
;)

sigh I always ruin my sentimental posts because I can't resist being creepy or sarcastic =_=

_

Shit like this

really annoys me



It's so stupid. I just... ugh. I am suddenly rendered speechless by my anger. lol.
Okay, so I've seen stuff like this in the past and just ignored it but I was scrolling through facebook and someone had shared this and I just felt the need to blog about it lol ><

Are there seriously girls who see this stuff and think "OMG maybe NOW the world will understand me"? Are there boys who see this and think "I'm sorted, I've got girls all figured out now" ??

(On a side note, I also hate those STUPID facebook groups and twitter accounts called "lovequotes" or "inspiringquotes" etc)

Yes, maybe sometimes we all say things we don't mean but this is implying that all women are difficult to deal with and constantly want people to guess at what they're thinking.
Maybe sometimes everyone wishes that people would sense that there's something wrong and worry about you but this implies that all women are needy and are attention seekers.
It implies that women are all selfish and everything they say is calculated.
It's saying that women NEVER say what they mean.
It's teaching people to never trust women, pretty much.
wtf.

"female dictionary" psh. How offensive.

maybe I'm focusing too much on the blatant sexism of this.
I guess I should just be angry at HOW STUPID people are. Especially people who come up with this stuff and think that they're cute or clever. And I bet it was a female who made this.
ugh.
I hate people.

I know what you're thinking. "Amy's getting worked up over something silly again. It's not that big a deal."

But seriously. This stuff is sexist and yet people are constantly liking it and sharing it. It's teaching people not to trust. It's teaching people to calculate and overthink. It's saying that women are silly and irrational and pathetic. It's saying that women are incapable of dealing with their problems alone.

Oh and also, this fuels the whole guys thinking that they can understand you and solve all your problems and constantly ask you what's wrong and never believe you when you say nothing. It pretty much condones people badgering you because they think you're needy and pathetic and that you need someone to constantly decipher everything you say.
(okay this last bit was a bit personal lol sorry)

_