I miss you. I miss you so much lately. I don't know why. Maybe it's just because mum told me that they were going to go visit you today. I wish I could be there. I'm sorry I haven't gone to see you since we put you to rest. But you understand right? I admit, I could have gone back to Taiwan over the summer and I could have visited you then, but I didn't. I'm sorry.
I don't know if there really is an afterlife but I hope you're in a good place. I wonder if you know that I'm thinking of you. I wonder if they have a system there where if someone on Earth thinks of you, you are informed of it. Maybe it's like a short note, or letter, or, god forbid, a facebook notification. Maybe it's like a mail system and once a month or something each person would line up to receive their messages or things that their family has burnt for them. Since mum and dad and Daniel are going to see you today, maybe my message I'm writing will be carried to you too. Maybe you'll be able read this blog post and know that I miss you and that I am thinking of you. And it would have been magically translated into Chinese so you could understand. Or is the world you're in one that isn't restricted by languages and everyone is able to communicate freely? Ever since your funeral, I've regretted that letter I wrote that we cremated along with you. That was a badly written letter. I was reluctant to write it because I didn't want to say goodbye. That letter never fully expressed how I felt.
I'm sorry that the few years before you passed away I hated visiting you. You seemed so miserable. You were so sick and unable to walk or to talk. It made me sad to see you like that because you used to never shut up. You were always telling stories or lecturing someone or giving your opinion on something. I hated not being able to hear you talk anymore and I hated being scared that I'd forget your voice. I hated wondering if you were really looking at me and listening to me or if your eyes were just glazed over and your mind was elsewhere. Slowly, you didn't really seem like a person to me anymore and it was like I'd forgotten what it was like to interact with you. But when you passed away, I couldn't stop reminiscing.
Do you remember how you used to be the one who got all our photos developed for us and put into albums and you would write cute captions and slip them in alongside the photo?
Do you remember how you used to sit at the desk behind me, writing while I practiced piano and you would tell me off each time I stopped playing out of frustration when I played mistakes. "just play on," you said, "pretend you didn't make a mistake and just continue. What if you were in a concert and you made a mistake, would you stop the whole performance? Just gloss over it and continue"
Do you remember how silly you thought I was but delighted you were when I declared that you and I were friends?
Do you remember how I would banter with you endlessly in the car when we went on family roadtrips? And we bet on the time that we would get home?
Do you remember how I used to watch korean dramas with you and I'd get so angry at the characters and you would laugh at me.
Do you remember you promising you'd buy me a house when I got older and then giving me a house shaped money box/piggy bank and said that was it =="
Do you remember constantly asking me if I had a boyfriend and when I said no and suggested you introduce some to me, you asked me if I liked really old men cause you only knew people your age.
I remember how you always loved me more because you thought grandma didn't love me enough. You thought I was the least favored child in the family so you favored me. You wanted to make up for the love I was deprived of from grandma. You even accused her of being sexist and loving the boy grandchild more.
Can you see me now? Are you worried about me? (Stupid question, of course you are. you worry about everything). Do you still believe in me? Are you disappointed? I'm sorry.
maybe you could still cheer me on from wherever you are.
_
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
snippets from europe trip 2008
I remember that night when we were on the Greek island of Paros when we were walking back to the hotel, I was just so filled with elation and happiness I literally felt drunk. Louis kept asking me "Amy, are you drunk?" and no matter how much I insisted I wasn't, he didn't believe me.
Maybe it was just being 17 in a foreign country being carried by a soft breeze on a beautiful island surrounded by friends and strangers. Maybe it was the sound of the sea or the string of lights on the other side of the island or the moon reflecting off the rocks next to the beach.
I will never ever ever forget that feeling.
_
Maybe it was just being 17 in a foreign country being carried by a soft breeze on a beautiful island surrounded by friends and strangers. Maybe it was the sound of the sea or the string of lights on the other side of the island or the moon reflecting off the rocks next to the beach.
I will never ever ever forget that feeling.
_
Monday, July 30, 2012
"A broken heart that the world forgot"
Should I say you ruined my night in the best way possible or that you made my night in the worst way possible?
It was like a knife straight to the heart.
ouch.
I felt like I was someone who'd lost their memory and was suddenly getting it back. Or, how I'd always imagined what it would be like anyway.
I've actaully been experiencing these 'flashbacks' pretty often lately. I wonder if it's just me getting old and nostaligc.
It's not like those "ohhh yeaaaa guyss rememberrrrr??" moments.
It's much stronger than that.
It's like all these images just appeared in my head all at once and I think "how could something so vivid have disappeared from my mind? How could I have forgotten? How could I have carried on living without these moments and the feelings associated with them? How could I be the person I am without these memories? How could I have completely forgotten something that I remember so clearly?"
and yet I had completely forgotten about them. It's like they had never happened. But they had, and here was this memory trigger.
And for a second I felt numb.
I felt.. dumbstruck, I guess.
Every note and every word is so familiar to me.
And even though I've stopped playing the song now, I can't bear to press play on the song I was listening to before.
I don't want to let that feeling die yet. I mean, it's fading, it's faint, it's almost just out of my reach...
It's like you just woke up from a dream and it was a good dream, and you don't want to forget it yet, but you feel it slipping away, so you sit there, still, afraid to move, almost afraid to breathe because you're scared that any action will put a new idea in your head and you'll accidentally let the memory of the dream go and then you're just left with this 'feeling' that you can't explain, an emotion with no basis.
I know it seems like I'm making a huge deal out of one song. But songs mean so much to me. I can't begin to describe it. And this may or may not apply to everyone, I don't know. But I associate moments in my life to certain songs. I relate people to certain songs.
Music. It kills me.
I remember moments because of the song that was playing in the background. I remember summers because of the song I'd discovered. I remember conversations because of the lyrics we'd discussed. I remember periods of my life because of the song I'd been obsessed with. I remember people because of songs I'd sung with them, and the songs they'd recommended me.
Et cetera.
Okay. Just 1 more time.
Who am I kidding, I'ma put it on my phone.
_
It was like a knife straight to the heart.
ouch.
I felt like I was someone who'd lost their memory and was suddenly getting it back. Or, how I'd always imagined what it would be like anyway.
I've actaully been experiencing these 'flashbacks' pretty often lately. I wonder if it's just me getting old and nostaligc.
It's not like those "ohhh yeaaaa guyss rememberrrrr??" moments.
It's much stronger than that.
It's like all these images just appeared in my head all at once and I think "how could something so vivid have disappeared from my mind? How could I have forgotten? How could I have carried on living without these moments and the feelings associated with them? How could I be the person I am without these memories? How could I have completely forgotten something that I remember so clearly?"
and yet I had completely forgotten about them. It's like they had never happened. But they had, and here was this memory trigger.
And for a second I felt numb.
I felt.. dumbstruck, I guess.
Every note and every word is so familiar to me.
And even though I've stopped playing the song now, I can't bear to press play on the song I was listening to before.
I don't want to let that feeling die yet. I mean, it's fading, it's faint, it's almost just out of my reach...
It's like you just woke up from a dream and it was a good dream, and you don't want to forget it yet, but you feel it slipping away, so you sit there, still, afraid to move, almost afraid to breathe because you're scared that any action will put a new idea in your head and you'll accidentally let the memory of the dream go and then you're just left with this 'feeling' that you can't explain, an emotion with no basis.
I know it seems like I'm making a huge deal out of one song. But songs mean so much to me. I can't begin to describe it. And this may or may not apply to everyone, I don't know. But I associate moments in my life to certain songs. I relate people to certain songs.
Music. It kills me.
I remember moments because of the song that was playing in the background. I remember summers because of the song I'd discovered. I remember conversations because of the lyrics we'd discussed. I remember periods of my life because of the song I'd been obsessed with. I remember people because of songs I'd sung with them, and the songs they'd recommended me.
Et cetera.
Okay. Just 1 more time.
Who am I kidding, I'ma put it on my phone.
_
Sunday, January 22, 2012
It's amazing how much time I used to spend on msn lol
good times.
wait, that's an understatement.
such good times.
seriously
so many memories.
lol
remember those mass convos in intermediate?
where there'd be like 20 people and everyone would be typing so goddamn fast that it'd be hard to keep up with what was going on? I had to go on msn secretly cause my mum wouldn't let me use it cause she thought it was a chatroom lol
And then high school when I had to log onto msn every night at around 8 to chat to people. hah. I had to log off by 10 or 11 back then.... haha i had all those random emoticons and animations...
I had a 'LOL' that would crush a little dancing/jumping creature!!
and then came the staying up till 12...
and then... the 4, 5, 6am appearing offline on msn thing...
and now... well sigh.
the era of msn has passed?
do intermediate kids still sign up for hotmail? download msn?
bet they all just use facebook chat..
ew.
lol.
Sigh i'm really getting old aren't I?
this is basically a "OH BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS...." post.
lol ^^;;;
_
wait, that's an understatement.
such good times.
seriously
so many memories.
lol
remember those mass convos in intermediate?
where there'd be like 20 people and everyone would be typing so goddamn fast that it'd be hard to keep up with what was going on? I had to go on msn secretly cause my mum wouldn't let me use it cause she thought it was a chatroom lol
And then high school when I had to log onto msn every night at around 8 to chat to people. hah. I had to log off by 10 or 11 back then.... haha i had all those random emoticons and animations...
I had a 'LOL' that would crush a little dancing/jumping creature!!
and then came the staying up till 12...
and then... the 4, 5, 6am appearing offline on msn thing...
and now... well sigh.
the era of msn has passed?
do intermediate kids still sign up for hotmail? download msn?
bet they all just use facebook chat..
ew.
lol.
Sigh i'm really getting old aren't I?
this is basically a "OH BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS...." post.
lol ^^;;;
_
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I wonder if they read this, if each of my old friends would be able to pick out the ones referring to them. I wonder how much they remember.
remember when we talked everyday?
remember when we hung out?
remember when you said i'd better not forget you?
and I said i'd never do such a thing?
remember when i knew what was going on in your life
and you knew what was going on in mine?
When i could predict your response to my questions?
(beacuse i asked them to hear that specific response and you knew that so you obliged?)
remember when you didn't seem so far away?
Remember?
Remember when I went to you when i was troubled?
and you came to me?
remember when my name was said in conjunction to yours?
remember when you always stuck up for me?
remember when you let me copy your homework?
and when i helped you cheat in that test?
remember when i'd txt you when i finished my essays?
remember laughing so hard we couldn't breathe?
remember sitting at the back in maths class and mucking around?
remember our immature ruler jokes? and your not being about to tell the difference between a compass and a protractor? and how we never let that one slide?
remember our stupid code names?
and the word association games we played to come up with them?
remember talking on the phone everyday?
remember txting everyday?
remember chasing each other around the empty classroom?
remember when you pretended to choke me everytime you saw me?
remember playing cards during lunchtimes in the empty psych room?
remember helping me pass that level on supermario galaxy?
remember telling me how your cake collapsed?
remember playing the song lyrics game?
remember telling me what songs to listen to?
remember your stupid birthday muffin? with the stupid 'candles'?
remember our failed suprise party?
remember how you named my plushies after the boys in the class and I got mad?
remember text information management? remember Mr Clarke?
remember 'swanlings'?
remember when our japanese teacher said "is that a door?" to a window?
and we couldn't stop laughing everytime we mentioned it?
remember when we tried to make you let your hair down?
remember going to the library in the mornings?
and sitting around that one table?
remember calling me up at 12am so we could work out a maths problem?
remember when I yelled at you all the time?
remember when we wrote each other emails?
remember doing homework at each other's houses?
remember when I fell off the bus when I was on the phone to you?
remember when I plaited your hair?
remember our msn mass convos?
remember blogging? msn spaces?
remember writing ridiculous testimonials for each other on hi5?
remember eating behind our textbooks in japanese class?
remember falling asleep in japanese class?
remember calling each other after we'd both cried?
remember playing truth or dare in english class?
and being dared to touch the teacher's hair?
remember the relief when we discovered we all hated the same person?
remember our spot under the stairs?
and then on the stairs? (or was it the other way around?)
remember playing netball in that pouring rain at lunchtime?
and arriving to class completely drenched?
remember our fail sticker photos?
remember sitting outside the public library?
remember our secrets?
remember our idiocy?
now i never see you
now i only bump into you on the stairs at uni
now i see you at bus stops but don't stop to say hi
now i txt you once in awhile to say we should catch up.. but we don't
now i can only like the things you post on facebook
now when we bump into each other i wonder awkwardly if we should hug
now i sometimes don't recognise you until a few seconds too late for me to say hi
now i avoid you at all costs
but still, my ears perk up when i hear your name
but still I miss you
to all my friends that I've lost...
I wish I hadn't screwed up.
I wish you were all still by my side.
not that i don't love my current friends to bits.
cause i do.
but still.
_
remember when we hung out?
remember when you said i'd better not forget you?
and I said i'd never do such a thing?
remember when i knew what was going on in your life
and you knew what was going on in mine?
When i could predict your response to my questions?
(beacuse i asked them to hear that specific response and you knew that so you obliged?)
remember when you didn't seem so far away?
Remember?
Remember when I went to you when i was troubled?
and you came to me?
remember when my name was said in conjunction to yours?
remember when you always stuck up for me?
remember when you let me copy your homework?
and when i helped you cheat in that test?
remember when i'd txt you when i finished my essays?
remember laughing so hard we couldn't breathe?
remember sitting at the back in maths class and mucking around?
remember our immature ruler jokes? and your not being about to tell the difference between a compass and a protractor? and how we never let that one slide?
remember our stupid code names?
and the word association games we played to come up with them?
remember talking on the phone everyday?
remember txting everyday?
remember chasing each other around the empty classroom?
remember when you pretended to choke me everytime you saw me?
remember playing cards during lunchtimes in the empty psych room?
remember helping me pass that level on supermario galaxy?
remember telling me how your cake collapsed?
remember playing the song lyrics game?
remember telling me what songs to listen to?
remember your stupid birthday muffin? with the stupid 'candles'?
remember our failed suprise party?
remember how you named my plushies after the boys in the class and I got mad?
remember text information management? remember Mr Clarke?
remember 'swanlings'?
remember when our japanese teacher said "is that a door?" to a window?
and we couldn't stop laughing everytime we mentioned it?
remember when we tried to make you let your hair down?
remember going to the library in the mornings?
and sitting around that one table?
remember calling me up at 12am so we could work out a maths problem?
remember when I yelled at you all the time?
remember when we wrote each other emails?
remember doing homework at each other's houses?
remember when I fell off the bus when I was on the phone to you?
remember when I plaited your hair?
remember our msn mass convos?
remember blogging? msn spaces?
remember writing ridiculous testimonials for each other on hi5?
remember eating behind our textbooks in japanese class?
remember falling asleep in japanese class?
remember calling each other after we'd both cried?
remember playing truth or dare in english class?
and being dared to touch the teacher's hair?
remember the relief when we discovered we all hated the same person?
remember our spot under the stairs?
and then on the stairs? (or was it the other way around?)
remember playing netball in that pouring rain at lunchtime?
and arriving to class completely drenched?
remember our fail sticker photos?
remember sitting outside the public library?
remember our secrets?
remember our idiocy?
now i never see you
now i only bump into you on the stairs at uni
now i see you at bus stops but don't stop to say hi
now i txt you once in awhile to say we should catch up.. but we don't
now i can only like the things you post on facebook
now when we bump into each other i wonder awkwardly if we should hug
now i sometimes don't recognise you until a few seconds too late for me to say hi
now i avoid you at all costs
but still, my ears perk up when i hear your name
but still I miss you
to all my friends that I've lost...
I wish I hadn't screwed up.
I wish you were all still by my side.
not that i don't love my current friends to bits.
cause i do.
but still.
_
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Despite the fact that I had to analyse this film for academic purposes, I throroughly enjoyed it.
In the world of the movie, it is possible to go to a clinic and have your memories of a particular person erased. It's centred around a couple - Joel and Clementine. She has him erased from her memory after they break up and he finds out. So, as a "fuck you" to her, he decides to undergo the procedure as well. The film is largely set inside his head as he tries to hide the memory of Clementine within other memories when he suddenly decides that he doesn't want to forget her.
meh. i'm not good at giving synopses....(i remember i used to tell people about books i'd read and try to convince them to read it by telling them about the book and it would always result in them saying that it sounded boring... =___=")
so yea,
google it.
imdb it.
stream it.
watch it.
I think for me, It's not a question of whether the good memories trump the bad.
I guess it'd be a little about what I learnt from those experiences and how these lessons learnt would be forgotten and I may make the same mistakes again.
But I think it's mostly about losing a part of myself if those memories are erased. I think it's that during the process of erasure, I would suddenly regret it, as Joel did in the movie. I think it's that I dislike letting go of things.
I guess after the procedure, I wouldn't know what I'd forgotten so it'd be okay. Ignorance is bliss, and all that jazz.
But I'd hate feeling like I'd forgotten something. I'd hate going to a place and feeling like I'd been there before with someone special. I'd hate that feeling like I'd lost something but not know what.
I'd live in a constant state of deja vu. I'd hate all these unexplainable emotions triggered by things that should mean nothing.
I wonder if I've caused anyone enough pain that they'd want to erase me?
If I could erase you....
_
In the world of the movie, it is possible to go to a clinic and have your memories of a particular person erased. It's centred around a couple - Joel and Clementine. She has him erased from her memory after they break up and he finds out. So, as a "fuck you" to her, he decides to undergo the procedure as well. The film is largely set inside his head as he tries to hide the memory of Clementine within other memories when he suddenly decides that he doesn't want to forget her.
meh. i'm not good at giving synopses....(i remember i used to tell people about books i'd read and try to convince them to read it by telling them about the book and it would always result in them saying that it sounded boring... =___=")
so yea,
google it.
imdb it.
stream it.
watch it.
I think for me, It's not a question of whether the good memories trump the bad.
I guess it'd be a little about what I learnt from those experiences and how these lessons learnt would be forgotten and I may make the same mistakes again.
But I think it's mostly about losing a part of myself if those memories are erased. I think it's that during the process of erasure, I would suddenly regret it, as Joel did in the movie. I think it's that I dislike letting go of things.
I guess after the procedure, I wouldn't know what I'd forgotten so it'd be okay. Ignorance is bliss, and all that jazz.
But I'd hate feeling like I'd forgotten something. I'd hate going to a place and feeling like I'd been there before with someone special. I'd hate that feeling like I'd lost something but not know what.
I'd live in a constant state of deja vu. I'd hate all these unexplainable emotions triggered by things that should mean nothing.
I wonder if I've caused anyone enough pain that they'd want to erase me?
If I could erase you....
_
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Violent Emotions
I want to be so sad I can't stand it
I want to cry, uncontrollably and inconsolably.
I want my tears to blind me, to drown me.
I want to choke on my tears, I want to sob, I want to gasp for air
I want to curl up on the floor and not care that the bathroom tiles are cold
I want to cry till my eyes get all red and puffy, till my head hurts, till I feel like I've used up all my tears.
then realize my sleeves are soaked, the knees of my jeans are soaked and I've used up too many tissues
then look in the mirror and realize I'm a complete mess.
I want to be so angry I can't stand it
I want to be so angry I want to cry, but fight back the tears because I'd rather be angry than sad.
I want to want to yell, I want to fight
I want to want to argue until my opponent backs down
I want to feel my heart pounding as I say something defiant, something cruel, something I probably will regret saying.
I want to feel the words forming on my tongue and on my lips
I want to feel the thrill the words leaving my mouth, watching their effect on my victim
I want to relish the feeling, and I would, if i were sufficiently angry.
I want to be implusive and act upon impluse.
then stand in the silence that follows, fixing my eyes upon the whoever I'm angry at, daring them to look away.
I want to love someone so much I can't stand it
I want to be caught up in everything they say and everything they do
I want to love fiercely, with abandon, with a burning intensity.
I want to be estatically happy because of love.
I want to fight for love, work hard for love.
I want to find love, I want to lose love - and cry.
I want to feel that heartache again, the feelings welling up in my chest.
I want to worry and fret and lose sleep.
I want to smile that secret smile.
I want to love like Heathcliff; like Neruda's poems.
I want to feel violent emotions
(lol Wuthering Heights much?)
not this dull ache.
_
I want to cry, uncontrollably and inconsolably.
I want my tears to blind me, to drown me.
I want to choke on my tears, I want to sob, I want to gasp for air
I want to curl up on the floor and not care that the bathroom tiles are cold
I want to cry till my eyes get all red and puffy, till my head hurts, till I feel like I've used up all my tears.
then realize my sleeves are soaked, the knees of my jeans are soaked and I've used up too many tissues
then look in the mirror and realize I'm a complete mess.
I want to be so angry I can't stand it
I want to be so angry I want to cry, but fight back the tears because I'd rather be angry than sad.
I want to want to yell, I want to fight
I want to want to argue until my opponent backs down
I want to feel my heart pounding as I say something defiant, something cruel, something I probably will regret saying.
I want to feel the words forming on my tongue and on my lips
I want to feel the thrill the words leaving my mouth, watching their effect on my victim
I want to relish the feeling, and I would, if i were sufficiently angry.
I want to be implusive and act upon impluse.
then stand in the silence that follows, fixing my eyes upon the whoever I'm angry at, daring them to look away.
I want to love someone so much I can't stand it
I want to be caught up in everything they say and everything they do
I want to love fiercely, with abandon, with a burning intensity.
I want to be estatically happy because of love.
I want to fight for love, work hard for love.
I want to find love, I want to lose love - and cry.
I want to feel that heartache again, the feelings welling up in my chest.
I want to worry and fret and lose sleep.
I want to smile that secret smile.
I want to love like Heathcliff; like Neruda's poems.
I want to feel violent emotions
(lol Wuthering Heights much?)
not this dull ache.
_
Sunday, July 31, 2011
old photo!
OMG! old emo photo!
i LOVED this photo when i first took it... rofl~
i think it was... in year 11? hm maybe year 12 actually...
i miss that hair! omg... T^T
i also LOVED that top but i never wore it out.. i only wore it at home cause it was "too cute" for me so i was embarrassed... it was a super adorable top.. sigh..... i miss it. i probably still wouldn't wear it now.. i didnt get any cuter since then.. O_o rofl~
and the lighting next to the window in my old room at my old house in the mid to late afternoon was really good for camwhoring...
also for reading. but my mum also raged at me for leaning against the glass of my french doors cause sunlight apparently makes glass brittle and she didnt want the glass to break and she didnt want to come into my room and find me impaled on a jagged edge of the broken door.
sigh. i miss my old room.
yea, sorry i was going through old files and stuff and found this..
i think the next few entries are gonna be like this O_o
or maybe ii'll make it a recurring thing.. like.. if i have nothing to write about but i feel like writing i'll pick an old photo and write some stuff about it.
this is gonna be fun!! ^^
for me anyway...
lol~
_
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
3am
I can't sleep.
I remember when i was in year 10 and for awhile (like maybe a week? or maybe longer?)
i forget. memories blur now. it was so long ago.
I'd wake up at 3am. for no reason.
haha. it was so strange.
and kinda scary.
And then I told my friend and then he ended up txting me every night when it hit 3am for awhile.
just to be like "hey wow, you ARE awake!" if i replied.
It didn't even occur to me that even then, he had had horrible sleeping habits.
at that time, it didn't even occur to me that i'd ever end up having horrible sleeping habits.
3am used to be so late.
i don't know why i suddenly remembered this now.
haha
_
I remember when i was in year 10 and for awhile (like maybe a week? or maybe longer?)
i forget. memories blur now. it was so long ago.
I'd wake up at 3am. for no reason.
haha. it was so strange.
and kinda scary.
And then I told my friend and then he ended up txting me every night when it hit 3am for awhile.
just to be like "hey wow, you ARE awake!" if i replied.
It didn't even occur to me that even then, he had had horrible sleeping habits.
at that time, it didn't even occur to me that i'd ever end up having horrible sleeping habits.
3am used to be so late.
i don't know why i suddenly remembered this now.
haha
_
Monday, May 16, 2011
I remember.
I remember those nights
we talked and talked and talked
I killed zombies with plants
and listened to love the way you lie
I learnt all the lyrics to that song
and when i heard it on the radio, all i could picture were zombie heads falling off.
I remember those jars of nutella (6, to be exact)
and my row of spoons.
I drank mug after mug of tea
and i studied all through the night
but never seemed to get any work done.
I liked the feeling of the room dimly lit by my lamp (which was actually pretty bright)
and how i made sure i'd be listening to lady antabellum at quarter past one.
I remember our skype conversations
in which we talked about nothing
or sat in silence, doing our own things but hearing everyone's breathing.
And then. I remember when we stopped.
_
we talked and talked and talked
I killed zombies with plants
and listened to love the way you lie
I learnt all the lyrics to that song
and when i heard it on the radio, all i could picture were zombie heads falling off.
I remember those jars of nutella (6, to be exact)
and my row of spoons.
I drank mug after mug of tea
and i studied all through the night
but never seemed to get any work done.
I liked the feeling of the room dimly lit by my lamp (which was actually pretty bright)
and how i made sure i'd be listening to lady antabellum at quarter past one.
I remember our skype conversations
in which we talked about nothing
or sat in silence, doing our own things but hearing everyone's breathing.
And then. I remember when we stopped.
_
Friday, December 31, 2010
Goodbye 2010.
A lot has happened this year...
and now.. it's the last day.
It went by so fast.
First half of the year was like...
msn till 4am every night
being miserable and melodramatic
and suddenly i realized that i'd st opped doing that
and that it was october.
I'm posting this before work instead of when i get home so that it's still 2010 in nz when this entry goes up.
I hope everyone has a great new years eve. !!
like genuinely.
I'll stop complaining that i'm not doing anything special..
BUT
Most importantly, I just want to thank everyone for being part of my 2010
It's been really great.
I hope that everyone will continue being part of my life 2011, share another year of their lives with me and that by the end of 2011 we'll have had another year filled with great memories.
Love (lots and lots of it),
Amy
_
Sorry about the sentiment^^;;;
and
wow i just realized my title was really cliche.
_
and now.. it's the last day.
It went by so fast.
First half of the year was like...
msn till 4am every night
being miserable and melodramatic
and suddenly i realized that i'd st opped doing that
and that it was october.
I'm posting this before work instead of when i get home so that it's still 2010 in nz when this entry goes up.
I hope everyone has a great new years eve. !!
like genuinely.
I'll stop complaining that i'm not doing anything special..
BUT
Most importantly, I just want to thank everyone for being part of my 2010
It's been really great.
I hope that everyone will continue being part of my life 2011, share another year of their lives with me and that by the end of 2011 we'll have had another year filled with great memories.
Love (lots and lots of it),
Amy
_
Sorry about the sentiment^^;;;
and
wow i just realized my title was really cliche.
_
Monday, December 27, 2010
2010 closure: one
Here is, as promised the first of my unpublished entries.
They will be in no particular order.
I wanted to post this one first cause all i listen to these days is taylor swift.
(Written a day after I'd listened to the entirety of Taylor Swift's latest album)
.you're the kind of reckless that should send me running
.Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, they'll judge it like they know about me and you
.I go back to December all the time
.The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
.all that i know is i don't know how to be something you miss
If the album had come out say... 6 months earlier...
And I'd heard it.. I probably would've died.
or at least really really hated some of the songs.
I'm pathetic, really.
I'm glad my mindset is somewhat different now.
And i could enjoy her songs.
But i still couldn't help letting those lines get to me just a little.
Damn you Taylor Swift.
_
They will be in no particular order.
I wanted to post this one first cause all i listen to these days is taylor swift.
(Written a day after I'd listened to the entirety of Taylor Swift's latest album)
.you're the kind of reckless that should send me running
.Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, they'll judge it like they know about me and you
.I go back to December all the time
.The story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
.all that i know is i don't know how to be something you miss
If the album had come out say... 6 months earlier...
And I'd heard it.. I probably would've died.
or at least really really hated some of the songs.
I'm pathetic, really.
I'm glad my mindset is somewhat different now.
And i could enjoy her songs.
But i still couldn't help letting those lines get to me just a little.
Damn you Taylor Swift.
_
Sunday, November 28, 2010
As promised. Some sentiment. And reflection.
I've been meaning to write a new entry for awhile but I've been busy... doing god knows what.
This is gonna be pretty LONG. I shoulda written a separate entries instead of just one. But I kinda fell behind on my blogging.
ANYWAY.
So at the old people's home/nursing home where my grandpa now lives..
there's this old couple.
He's 80 something and she's in her late 70s.
They're always sitting side by side in their wheelchairs.
And everytime I see them, they're holding hands.
It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
lol.
The only time i see them not holding hands is when they're having lunch.
And straight after they finish eating, he reaches over and grabs her hand.
Even someone like me, who isn't all that sure about marriage, thinks it would be great to have what that they have.
I mean sure, what do outsiders like me know?
But when you're old and you can't walk, you can't talk much and all you do is sit there everyday watching tv or sitting by the window and being taken care of by nurses...
I think that if you know that the person you love will be there, holding your hand, giving you hope and comfort.
...and that you have the person who loves you the most in the world by your side.
Then you're pretty freaking lucky.
It seems to me that it's very hard to obtain that sort of love in this world. At least for me.
BUT they kind of make me feel like it's possible to be in love with someone for as long as you live.
It's like when you ask for someone's "hand in marriage" you're taking their hand, promising to never let go and be their companion forever, through thick and thin.
And to me, this old couple embodies that idea.
....
OMG SO CHEESY
sorry guys ^^;;;;;;
I feel like I need some pictures in here to grab people's attention.
But i got nothin'
You can just stop reading if you like.
-everyone closes the tab/window-
So I don't know how many people that went to BBI remember, but in year 8 we played 'Chariots of Fire' in the orchestra.
Anyone remember? Ryan? Sarah? Allan? Remember?
I have lots of great memories linked to that piece of music.
Practising it in orchestra, preparing for the year 8 production, not having to go to class cause of the rehearsals.
So I was sitting in a noodle shop the other day (those tiny ones with no air conditioning, fold out tables and thosee cheap plastic chairs) and suddenly Chariots of Fire came on.
The weirdest feeling came over me when i heard it.
And suddenly I was reminded of the first time our orchestra played this piece from start to finish. And the overwhelming feeling it brought. I don't know about everyone else, but at that time, I was so moved by it.
Okay it's probaly because of the music. It's an amazing piece and just listening to it... something... just wells up in my heart.
And well... it made me feel so close to everyone in the orchestra at that moment.
Also, the fact that our orchestra (which was not that great to be perfectly honest xp) was able to play it was pretty amazing lol... At the time, it felt like we achieved something together.
I don't know why i felt the need to blog about this!
I guess it was the place juxtaposing with the music and then the sudden rush of memories.
It was... a really odd feeling.
The only downside to all this is that I am unable to remove those stupid lyrics Mrs Vercoe (the music teacher) wrote (to go with it for the production) from my memory.
UGH. They were SO so so so.... ugh....
><"
listen to it.
^^
Okay so I was gonna write about one more thing... But honestly, I cbf. It's not very interesting (because the above was SO interesting ==")
But yea.
This has gone on long enough.
So.
Until next time.
uh...
I remain your faithful and humble servant..
_
This is gonna be pretty LONG. I shoulda written a separate entries instead of just one. But I kinda fell behind on my blogging.
ANYWAY.
So at the old people's home/nursing home where my grandpa now lives..
there's this old couple.
He's 80 something and she's in her late 70s.
They're always sitting side by side in their wheelchairs.
And everytime I see them, they're holding hands.
It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
lol.
The only time i see them not holding hands is when they're having lunch.
And straight after they finish eating, he reaches over and grabs her hand.
Even someone like me, who isn't all that sure about marriage, thinks it would be great to have what that they have.
I mean sure, what do outsiders like me know?
But when you're old and you can't walk, you can't talk much and all you do is sit there everyday watching tv or sitting by the window and being taken care of by nurses...
I think that if you know that the person you love will be there, holding your hand, giving you hope and comfort.
...and that you have the person who loves you the most in the world by your side.
Then you're pretty freaking lucky.
It seems to me that it's very hard to obtain that sort of love in this world. At least for me.
BUT they kind of make me feel like it's possible to be in love with someone for as long as you live.
It's like when you ask for someone's "hand in marriage" you're taking their hand, promising to never let go and be their companion forever, through thick and thin.
And to me, this old couple embodies that idea.
....
OMG SO CHEESY
sorry guys ^^;;;;;;
I feel like I need some pictures in here to grab people's attention.
But i got nothin'
You can just stop reading if you like.
-everyone closes the tab/window-
So I don't know how many people that went to BBI remember, but in year 8 we played 'Chariots of Fire' in the orchestra.
Anyone remember? Ryan? Sarah? Allan? Remember?
I have lots of great memories linked to that piece of music.
Practising it in orchestra, preparing for the year 8 production, not having to go to class cause of the rehearsals.
So I was sitting in a noodle shop the other day (those tiny ones with no air conditioning, fold out tables and thosee cheap plastic chairs) and suddenly Chariots of Fire came on.
The weirdest feeling came over me when i heard it.
And suddenly I was reminded of the first time our orchestra played this piece from start to finish. And the overwhelming feeling it brought. I don't know about everyone else, but at that time, I was so moved by it.
Okay it's probaly because of the music. It's an amazing piece and just listening to it... something... just wells up in my heart.
And well... it made me feel so close to everyone in the orchestra at that moment.
Also, the fact that our orchestra (which was not that great to be perfectly honest xp) was able to play it was pretty amazing lol... At the time, it felt like we achieved something together.
I don't know why i felt the need to blog about this!
I guess it was the place juxtaposing with the music and then the sudden rush of memories.
It was... a really odd feeling.
The only downside to all this is that I am unable to remove those stupid lyrics Mrs Vercoe (the music teacher) wrote (to go with it for the production) from my memory.
UGH. They were SO so so so.... ugh....
><"
listen to it.
^^
Okay so I was gonna write about one more thing... But honestly, I cbf. It's not very interesting (because the above was SO interesting ==")
But yea.
This has gone on long enough.
So.
Until next time.
uh...
I remain your faithful and humble servant..
_
Sunday, August 15, 2010
As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever. We will still be, friends forever~~
hehe cheesy much?
xp
good old Vitamin C
Bye Alex =(
i mean it's not like he's the first person that ever left...
and he IS coming back to visit... in 4 months
but it just seems like i've lost something. We have drifted apart a little in the past few years i suppose but i never hesitated to say he was one of my close friends.
Thinking back to the good old intermediate days.. (when alex was still zihao or ho xp) i just can't help marvel at how things have changed.
What happened to our time together?
nothing lasts forever..
but i wish some things could.
_
hehe cheesy much?
xp
good old Vitamin C
Bye Alex =(
i mean it's not like he's the first person that ever left...
and he IS coming back to visit... in 4 months
but it just seems like i've lost something. We have drifted apart a little in the past few years i suppose but i never hesitated to say he was one of my close friends.
Thinking back to the good old intermediate days.. (when alex was still zihao or ho xp) i just can't help marvel at how things have changed.
What happened to our time together?
nothing lasts forever..
but i wish some things could.
_
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do i try, I know i'm gonna fall down.
<3
(it's from a song called Down by a myspace musician called Jason Walker. Before you judge me, cause i know you will, listen to it. it's really sad~ and has haunted me for way too long now. And yes it happens to be a song that is used in the series the vampire diaries. I swear i had no idea when i first heard it... a friend sent it to me. But honestly. it's such a good song so who cares. just find it and listen to it! )
today was a really meeeeehh day for me.
Hence the title & beginning lines of the blog. I wish i didnt have to explain it. It ruins the effect. But oh well...
the weather was brilliant.
the sky looked like this:
I know, there's not much point in a photo like this of the sky.
That dot is a bird that flew past. lol...
How can one be down when the sky is so blue? So full of promise that another beautiful day is coming?
I mean, a lot of people are sad when it rains ("no, it rains when you're sad" MIB II ftw)
But i find that a lot of the time, i'm sad on days like this.
and i dont even know why.
Is it really true that someitmes something is so beautiful that it contains heartbreaking sadness?
Or is that just me trying to be deep?
probably the latter.
As for feeling sad.
no, it's not an existential crisis.
I think it's just my emo side acting up.
haha ^^;;
i thought i'd gotten rid of it...
my bad?
(so uh. sorry for wasting an hour of your life bobby)
Lately, i've been thinking about how much things have changed.
How my perspectives have changed.
How my feelings towards people and situations have changed.
Life's just like that huh... suddenly, when it's too late, you realize what went wrong. You realize that it WAS your fault. And that you screwed up.
You realize how much you've grown up. And how much you regret.
And you laugh a little at yourself. And at everything.
And pretend you're okay with it.
But really, you dont know if you are.
Everyday when i walk home over the bridge, i run my fingers along the metal railing and listen to my ring clink against it.
It's my pondering bridge =P I always slow my footsteps down when i walk across it.
It somehow gives me a moment and feeling of peace and soberity... sometimes I even feel slightly melancholy.
Today as i walked across it, the sun was setting and everything was bathed in orange light. It was gorgeous.
no i didnt have a moment of profiund thought.
I dont think epiphanies are so easy to come by.
no but seriously.. I dont know what's wrong with me.
then again.
maybe i should just grow the hell up.
=(
I was acting slightly crazy today.
kind of like this:
except without the scissors
_
So why do i try, I know i'm gonna fall down.
<3
(it's from a song called Down by a myspace musician called Jason Walker. Before you judge me, cause i know you will, listen to it. it's really sad~ and has haunted me for way too long now. And yes it happens to be a song that is used in the series the vampire diaries. I swear i had no idea when i first heard it... a friend sent it to me. But honestly. it's such a good song so who cares. just find it and listen to it! )
today was a really meeeeehh day for me.
Hence the title & beginning lines of the blog. I wish i didnt have to explain it. It ruins the effect. But oh well...
the weather was brilliant.
the sky looked like this:
I know, there's not much point in a photo like this of the sky.
That dot is a bird that flew past. lol...
How can one be down when the sky is so blue? So full of promise that another beautiful day is coming?
I mean, a lot of people are sad when it rains ("no, it rains when you're sad" MIB II ftw)
But i find that a lot of the time, i'm sad on days like this.
and i dont even know why.
Is it really true that someitmes something is so beautiful that it contains heartbreaking sadness?
Or is that just me trying to be deep?
probably the latter.
As for feeling sad.
no, it's not an existential crisis.
I think it's just my emo side acting up.
haha ^^;;
i thought i'd gotten rid of it...
my bad?
(so uh. sorry for wasting an hour of your life bobby)
Lately, i've been thinking about how much things have changed.
How my perspectives have changed.
How my feelings towards people and situations have changed.
Life's just like that huh... suddenly, when it's too late, you realize what went wrong. You realize that it WAS your fault. And that you screwed up.
You realize how much you've grown up. And how much you regret.
And you laugh a little at yourself. And at everything.
And pretend you're okay with it.
But really, you dont know if you are.
Everyday when i walk home over the bridge, i run my fingers along the metal railing and listen to my ring clink against it.
It's my pondering bridge =P I always slow my footsteps down when i walk across it.
It somehow gives me a moment and feeling of peace and soberity... sometimes I even feel slightly melancholy.
Today as i walked across it, the sun was setting and everything was bathed in orange light. It was gorgeous.
no i didnt have a moment of profiund thought.
I dont think epiphanies are so easy to come by.
no but seriously.. I dont know what's wrong with me.
then again.
maybe i should just grow the hell up.
=(
I was acting slightly crazy today.
kind of like this:
except without the scissors
_
Friday, May 21, 2010
No matter what i do
all i think about is you.
- Dilemma by Nelly featuring Kelly Rowland
ahhhh this song... it takes me back.... i dont necessarily have any memories associated to it. but i remember it was played everywhere, repeatedly. i dont think i knew how to download songs back then. lol~~
hmm.
it reminds me of the feeling of childhood. haha.. like, it reminds me of being naive. and reminds me of being carefree.
sighhh i was so young back then i didnt even understand or pay attention to the lyrics lol
i think i had it as my ringtone in year 9...
lol~~
so i came across the song when i was killing time (that i couldnt really afford to be killing) on youtube.
and related videos led me to:
"cause it's all in my head, i think about it over and over again"
- Over and Over by Nelly featuring Tim McGraw
it's such a good song!! i love it. i think the song came out when we were in intermediate? i cant really remember. but when i hear this song, i just feel an amazing sense of nostalgia, not that i could relate to it in any way, just... i guess i just feel kind of sad about a period of time that has passed in my life. Also, when i think about the friends with whom i listened to these songs... i just, feel sad that they arent my friends anymore.
it both seems like a long time ago and not a long time ago.
oh yea and who can forget
"it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes"
rofl.
i think they played this at a school disco. O_o
ooooooh how inappropriate.
i couldnt stop singing these songs at uni today... and we eneded up talking about old songs that we liked for a little while and now i cant stop listening to songs from before high school... each song triggers the memory of another... and another.. and so on.
i don't like neglecting music. but i dont think i can help it. i wonder what happened to all my old songs. i guess they just got lost when i got a new computer...
lol~~ how is that even possible. it's not like moving houses.
if only i had my old computer!! i'd upload a picture from intermediate... but alas! i cannot.
SML
SML
Q_Queen
- credits to Ryan Tseng
- Dilemma by Nelly featuring Kelly Rowland
ahhhh this song... it takes me back.... i dont necessarily have any memories associated to it. but i remember it was played everywhere, repeatedly. i dont think i knew how to download songs back then. lol~~
hmm.
it reminds me of the feeling of childhood. haha.. like, it reminds me of being naive. and reminds me of being carefree.
sighhh i was so young back then i didnt even understand or pay attention to the lyrics lol
i think i had it as my ringtone in year 9...
lol~~
so i came across the song when i was killing time (that i couldnt really afford to be killing) on youtube.
and related videos led me to:
"cause it's all in my head, i think about it over and over again"
- Over and Over by Nelly featuring Tim McGraw
it's such a good song!! i love it. i think the song came out when we were in intermediate? i cant really remember. but when i hear this song, i just feel an amazing sense of nostalgia, not that i could relate to it in any way, just... i guess i just feel kind of sad about a period of time that has passed in my life. Also, when i think about the friends with whom i listened to these songs... i just, feel sad that they arent my friends anymore.
it both seems like a long time ago and not a long time ago.
oh yea and who can forget
"it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes"
rofl.
i think they played this at a school disco. O_o
ooooooh how inappropriate.
i couldnt stop singing these songs at uni today... and we eneded up talking about old songs that we liked for a little while and now i cant stop listening to songs from before high school... each song triggers the memory of another... and another.. and so on.
i don't like neglecting music. but i dont think i can help it. i wonder what happened to all my old songs. i guess they just got lost when i got a new computer...
lol~~ how is that even possible. it's not like moving houses.
if only i had my old computer!! i'd upload a picture from intermediate... but alas! i cannot.
SML
SML
Q_Queen
- credits to Ryan Tseng
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