I've been wanting to blog for awhile, but I haven't be able to find the right words.
I've been so unhappy for awhile now and I kept telling myself that I would be okay, but the truth is, I'm not okay.
The other day, a friend told me that she felt like since the beginning of the year, I've been being chipped away at, that I'm not that same person anymore; that I've changed so much. And she's right.
I've become so bitter and unhappy and emotional. Tears come so easily to my eyes now. I find it hard to smile for people's successes. I'm scared of seeing people and having them ask how I'm doing. I'm always alone, always isolated and constantly close to tears. I distract myself with trivial things hoping that perhaps I can gain some relief from my unhappiness. I've come to doubt everything about myself. I have no confidence, and I feel like I've given up any hope of success.
I'm sick of feeling like I owe everyone around me an apology -
my family: for making them worry, for disappointing them, for not being the daughter they wanted, for not making them proud,
my friends: for neglecting them, for not being there for them, for not seeing them, for shutting them out of my life because of my misery
my boyfriend: for having to put up with my tears, for being an absent girlfriend, for having to leave him, for not being able to make him happy, for leaning on him too much as my only source of happiness
More than anything, I just want to be happy. I just want to live a happy life and feel blessed that I'm alive and be surrounded by people whom I love and love me back. I just want to not worry so much and to get through a few weeks without trying to force those tears back into my eyes by tilting my head back. I want to move forward, I want to work towards my future, and I'm so frustrated that I can't.
someone help me
Some words. I trust you'll find some mirror in them, to ease you, to know that underneath all this, there is a person inside you that has nothing bad to say or think about you. And everyone outside of you who loves you is trying to remind you to listen to that person inside you tapping discretely when you feel most alone.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5f9MGxd5Xo
A girl once told me that love is selfish (wonder who that was :P), well so are other part's of life. You can't always make everyone happy but it's those stay happy around you that should matter. I know that sounds cliched(sentimentaltitle... I know he's gonna read this), but YOU know who those people are... although a little confirmation won't hurt, right?! So get out there, have some fun, do some crazy sh*t with your friends on an absolutely random night because #YOLO!! (I slapped myself for saying that) and know that those you walk the walk of shame with the next morning are those that truly love you! Metaphorically. No, not metaphorically. Wait, yes, yes metaphorically. Blah! my point is get a puppy... puppies make people happy!
ReplyDeleteBut seriously~~ cognitive dissonance is a person's greatest weakness, yet it can become their most powerful weapon. Use it wisely and you'll be happy! Live generously, giving always makes you feel good because there must be a good reason for why you do what you do, even if it's not explicit. I don't mean to go out there and buy everyone stuff (although that'd be nice too :P) but to offer them happiness and you will be reciprocated by your own mind! It's great! Plus people will usually be nice in return anyways, and you both will feel loved!!~~ It may not be exactly what you want but it's usually the next best thing that life can offer, which is still great! It's just a suggestion but it could work! Honest!
The road ahead may be long and hard (hehe... long and hard), but I'm sure you'll pull through. I wish you the very best!
Again, buy a puppy :D
everything will be okay la. I know it's hard for u to believe that right now but it will be :)
ReplyDeleteand u don't owe anyone anything so don't apologize.
you haven't done anything wrong.. so you might have made some bad choices in the past but so what.. everyone makes mistakes. it's never too late to pick yourself up.
like I keep saying its only been a few months; a few months can't determine your whole life so stop being silly
gah u kno I suck at writing but I just wanted to say that I love you and I will always be here for you
happiness will find it's way la.. u will see soon
cheer up! if u don't believe in yourself how can u expect others to right?
如果你会开始相信这般恋爱心情 如果你说我们有彼此 <3
Lol Anon, please stop using my blog title as a joke, its getting very cliched...
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with what Sarah said. Its never too late to turn things around! Just believe in yourself, believe in your abilities, because the people around you certainly do.
A person once said to me: "If there's a will, there's a way." Sounds cliched? Well in my opinion its the best words to sum it all up; if you put in the effort, things will evenly go your way, no matter how bad your luck may be.
Fortune favours the brave I guess (lol another cliche).
But there's a reason why some phrases are overused - it's because they're true :)