Rant about Unity Books.

So today, in search of a book, I walked into Unity Books on High Street.
which is, by the way, a very charming bookstore.
I just want to curl up there and never leave.

I found this beautiful hardcover edition of Wuthering Heights..
I can't describe how difficult it was for me to not buy it...

AND OMG THERE WERE SO MANY OF THE MURAKAMI BOOKS! I WANT THEM ALL.
and there was a book of pablo neruda's poetry i wanted.. it had the original on one page and then the translation on the next....
 there were just shelves and shelves and stacks and stacks of books (as expected of a bookstore i suppose) and i felt so happy to just be surrounded by them.
 It's not that I havent been surrounded by so many books before.
but there are always other things around... like people studying in the library.. or like chain bookstores with the cards and the stationary and the videos etc...
but this was a bookstore. purely for books!
omg.

man.. if i ever win lotto.... that's the first place i'm gonna go for a shopping spree.

BUY ALL THE BOOKS!!!!

_

Violent Emotions

I want to be so sad I can't stand it
I want to cry, uncontrollably and inconsolably.
I want my tears to blind me, to drown me.
I want to choke on my tears, I want to sob, I want to gasp for air
I want to curl up on the floor and not care that the bathroom tiles are cold
I want to cry till my eyes get all red and puffy, till my head hurts, till I feel like I've used up all my tears.
then realize my sleeves are soaked, the knees of my jeans are soaked and I've used up too many tissues
then look in the mirror and realize I'm a complete mess.

I want to be so angry I can't stand it
I want to be so angry I want to cry, but fight back the tears because I'd rather be angry than sad.
I want to want to yell, I want to fight
I want to want to argue until my opponent backs down
I want to feel my heart pounding as I say something defiant, something cruel, something I probably will regret saying.
I want to feel the words forming on my tongue and on my lips
I want to feel the thrill the words leaving my mouth, watching their effect on my victim
I want to relish the feeling, and I would, if i were sufficiently angry.
I want to be implusive and act upon impluse.
then stand in the silence that follows, fixing my eyes upon the whoever I'm angry at, daring them to look away.

I want to love someone so much I can't stand it
I want to be caught up in everything they say and everything they do
I want to love fiercely, with abandon, with a burning intensity.
I want to be estatically happy because of love.
I want to fight for love, work hard for love.
I want to find love, I want to lose love - and cry.
I want to feel that heartache again, the feelings welling up in my chest.
I want to worry and fret and lose sleep.
I want to smile that secret smile.
I want to love like Heathcliff; like Neruda's poems.


I want to feel violent emotions
(lol Wuthering Heights much?)

not this dull ache.

_

to everyone that i love ♥

I want you to not feel lonely
I want you to not hurt
I want to know a failproof way to make you smile
I wish I could lift your spirits whenever you feel down
I wish I could do something to make everything better when things are bad
I wish I could erase pain
I wish that on those nights when you're sitting in the dark wondering why you can't sleep I could be there to put my arm around you.
I wish you every happiness because you deserve it.

Who do you think of when you're lonely?
I hope it's me.

_

I'm sick of this.

Sick of maybe.
Sick of being lost
Sick of being unsure.

I want certainty.
I want conviction
I want to wake up in the morning
and just KNOW
that I'm doing what I want to do
I'm where I want to be
I'm with who I want to be with.

why is that so hard?

_