I wish I could just run away

_

I'm in Okinawa

and it's such a beautiful place.
The beaches are amazing and the sea is sparkling and shimmering and mesmerizing and combined with the sky they're a dizzying blue.
Anyway, I'm not trying the describe the scenery.
I'm not particularly good with words.
But what I'm actually (very poorly) trying to convey in this post is that when I look out at the ocean and see the way it stretches out so far and seems so boundless and then the line where it meets the seemingly endless blue of the sky I feel an immense ache rising in my chest.
It's like Jeannie's post (http://jeannieandamywritethings.blogspot.jp/2012/06/hey-have-you-seen-this.html?m=1) about a view being so beautiful that it hurts.
It really really hurt when I looked out at the ocean.
Maybe I should stop trying to seem all deep and poetic and sentimental and romantic
Maybe there's just something wrong with my heart D:

_

I never told you.

I never told you
I was close to tears that day.
That day when rain was about to fall
and the sky was darker than grey.

I never told you why
I walked three steps ahead,
thankful for your hesitation and delayed footsteps.

I never told you how
when you reached out to touch my shoulder
and your fingers grazed my neck
I flinched,
because I couldn't bear the warmth of your palm and
the weight of your concern.

I never told you when
I looked up at the sky, laughing,
my voice louder than usual,
I was hoping my tears would fall in time with the rain
so they could hide among the raindrops.

What I never told you
were my words that the wind drowned out;
the words that were carried away on a current
into an ear they were not meant for

_

It's monsoon season

Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams
let it wash away my sanity
'cause I wanna feel the thunder I wanna scream
let the rain fall down,
I'm coming clean

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain

Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you baby
Just like the clouds
my eyes will do the same
If you walk away
Everyday it will rain

Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now

下雨天了怎麼辦我好想你

這城市的小巷 雨下一整晚

雨 不停落下來

so, like,
You can stand under my umbrella ella ella eh eh

_

What goes on inside my head sometimes.

Some of my female friends are so beautiful and smart and amazing and funny and cute and talented and fun and witty and intelligent and interesting and kind and gentle and caring and compassionate and determined and hardworking and in possession of so many admirable qualities...
that sometimes wish I was a guy so I could court, and marry one of them so I can keep them by my side forever.

(imsorryimweirdpleasedontleavemeijustloveyouguise)

_

This made me lol

I love it when fobs create images like this and think it's clever and deep cause it's like a pun.

Nowadays,

your words hurt me
it didn't used to be that way.

the phonecall, that night,
those unfinished lines.

I'd burnt that letter with the lighter I stole,
watched the words turn into smoke
and the ashes fall.

I wish I hadn't, now.

the ashes,
they were unimpressive.
like your handwriting,
smudged, dark, messy.

but your words.
your words
your words
your words

they held a certain charm.

_

When I met you, it was pretty much like love at first sight?

haha. I know that's stupid =_=
despite being a sentimental, slightly whimsical (romantic at times) person, love at first sight is not exactly something I believe in.
So I wanted to refrain from using that phrase.
But, well, I guess it was something like that =_=

sigh.

I was enchanted to meet you ?
(Damn you Taylor Swift)
"I spent forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you?
This is me praying that,
this was the very first page,
not where the story line ends,
my thoughts will echo your name,
until I see you again,
these are the words I held back
as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you~
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you"

but... like... Trust my luck =.=

lollll

Man, I was pretty obsessed.

I liked you for pretty much no reason.
Except, well, "he's handsome charming and funny no homo" lolllll direct quote from msn message history (I'm sure whoever said this will remember having said this xP)
Aaaaaaanyway, I didn't even know you that well?
I was just like "omg he got 96% in CIE english" ?!?! LOL
Haha so random.... 
I'm ususally never like that ><"
I remember people asking me why I was so different when I was around you.
Why was I so giggly and happy?
Freaking hell.
I guess I got what I wanted. That feeling of liking someone, crushing on someone. Like back in high school. Damn it.

and then, well, things didn't exactly go the way I'd wanted them to. gg.

so, like, buried my feelings, let myself become cold towards you, ignore you, avoid you, didn't talk to you much except for that massive facebook post lol....

But this year, what the hell! So random.
How did it even happen?
But yea, just randomly people asked if there was something going on.... there wasn't! Not at first?
I didn't even dare entertain the idea anyway.... I didn't wanna think about it...
I'd buried those feelings, damn it!
I thought you would never like me. Why would you?
And then Carmie was like "He might like you, you should think about whether you like him"
(poor Carmie, getting so stressed about it... ILY <3 pro matchmaker kkkkk)
I was just like "asdjgfdafsdgfhjgdfsd what" and I didn't know how to react, I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't wanna say I liked you. I didn't wanna admit it again. Didn't wanna get my hopes up.
No expectation, no disappointment, right?

but but but then..

you bought me candy.
(LOL JOKES xD)

♥

(this feels so strange, being so... not vague on my blog.... LOL. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

_