filler

After my hardout wannabe pro last entry.... time for a rambling random filler one:

TT my phone is dying....
sighhh....
it has pretty much lost the main function a phone should have...CALLING
In calls... i can't hear people but they can hear me.
sigghhh how fail..
I suppose now i have enough incentive to get a new one. i kinda HAVE been looking around the net for a new phone. but only for research purposes... i wanted to save up money and buy a new and pro one. i currently have no money
/fail.
what to do.. what  to do.. i dont want my parents to buy me one. I wanna be independent!! haha ^^:;
sigghhh japanese people are so lucky, they get the pro-est awesome-est phones. so jealous TT
i want one!! they have such pretty clamshell/flip phones <3

SHARP WX-T923. I wanttttt~~ I think i can get this one in taiwan... but.. they only have it in black TT !!

Woooo mid sem break next week~~~
the prospect of going camping... is exciting ^^;;
hope the weather doesnt freak out on us. and i hope we acutally go through with the idea.
on the other hand
assignments due this week TT

ARGGHH my house is messy TT and there's no food at my house..
i fail at "keeping house". lol
This is a picture of my desk:

ahh so embarrassing~~ ><"

to be fair, i havent been using my desk at all. well. that's not really any justtification. people will think "of course you cant use your desk if it looks like that"

another thing.
i feel like baking...
cupcakes <3 and making icing will be fun too ^^
cookies<3
hahahah can't wait~ i'm excited =D

oh and. the weather angers me lately >=( it's so blah..
one minute of sunshine, next minute rain, but not even hardout rain just annoying light showers. and then wind. and overcast gloom. and then as if it's tauting us, sun again. and then gloom again.

my hair's growing long TT it's gonna lose the shape soon D=
example:

I also look so incredibly horrible and out of it in the photo. i'm sorry the world has to see this. wth is my face doing.... sighhhhh i took this just now, actually. cause i really wanted an example of my fail hair.

lol why am i explaining. not much can fix my face.

that's why i dont wear make up. it wont fix ANYTHING.

no, i am not fishing for compliments.

I feel i always have to make this clear.

earth hour last night. no, i didnt do it.. ><"" i fail. lol. i did it last year just to play with candles tbh... ^^;;

another thing: OMG I CANT FIND MY IPOD I'M GOING TO HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

I shall leave with words of complete and absolute wisdom but also of absolute irrelevance to the above entry:

Alcohol is evil.

關於過去的事就藏心底

=O entry title in asian !! lol.

"hide the things from the past in the bottom of your heart"
回到過去 <3 one of my favourite songs in the world
it's filled with meaningful lyrics.. in my opinion anyway.
anyway
that line kind of speaks to me.
It's like... you have to accept things, and move on. You wont forget it, you'll still think of it. But you 're not keeping it constantly on the surface of your consciousness or in your thoughts. Which... makes things a little less unbearable. And i suppose if you keep it at the bottom of your heart, it's like holding something - a memory maybe - dear. It's close to you, it's precious.

"you're still a part of everything i do, you're on my heart just like tattoo"
i like that song also (Jordin Sparks - tattoo)
Just because you get over something (or someone) doesnt mean they havent affect your life in some way. They have. They've changed you. Becasue you've learnt from them, understood the world a little more, understood yourself a little more.

我知道放開手但不知到怎麼忘掉
"I know i have to let go but I dont know how to forget"
song by 五月天 (<3 !!! )  called 而我知道
this line can be translated a little differently but my translation is kind of how i see the line..
I dont know how to forget, but I know that everything eventually fades as time passes. And I know that you have to trust your own judgement. When you know that you have to let go, you should. Forgetting takes time. But it's not impossible. Time changes things? Maybe. But i think you have to allow it to change allow yourself, your emotions, your mood to change.

快樂是選擇
"happiness is a choice"
開始懂了 by 孫燕姿
You make the choice of whether you want to be happy or not. I know that sometimes things just get you down. It happens to me. always. But (I'm not gonna say "ohh you gotta get back up") I think people are allowed to feel unhappy, to bitch to complain. It's just.... you can either choose to continue being down or you can cheer yourself up with things you know will make you happy. For example, i'm happy when i spend time with friends, forget about what bothers me, laugh with them, talk animatedly with them. If i want to make myself happy, i do these things. That's what i mean about choosing to be happy. You cant stop things from getting you down and you cant stop yourself from sad. But you can choose to feel sorry for yourself or you can choose to cheer yourself up, make yourself happy. I know that sometimes that can seem superficial and you'll still feel sad when you're alone... but it's not this way. if you choose to move on, you will eventually be able to.

可是我有時候寧願選擇留戀不放手
"but sometimes I would rather choose to hold on  and not let go"
紅豆 by 方大同 (originally by 王菲) again, not the best translation.
I know people often feel this way. I often feel this way. but life moves forward. and times moves forward. I like staying the the past, i find it hard to let go. haha.. and i like this line because it pretty much is my philosophy most of the time.. HOWEVER.

有沒有那麼一種永遠 永遠不改變
"is there some kind of forever that will never change"
如煙 by 五月天
the answer to that question is no. unless you want to live in a fantasy world of memory. Things will never stay the same. so I know i cant choose to hold on and never let go. I have to let go.
But even so
未來依舊有你的回憶
"In the future i'll still alwyas have a memory of you"
from 回到過去 again. lol.

NOTES:
"you" is used as a general term. lol.
my translating skills are fail.

meh i'm not very meaningful.
holy shit i havent written anything this long in awhile.

mindless, structureless (?) blah entry

Music distracts me nowadays. It doesn't help me think anymore. It just... uh... makes things go blah in my mind. And although blog entries arent anything difficult to write, i had to turn off my music just now.
Maybe it's cause the music i listen to nowadays is mostly slightly depressing and has some sort of resonance in my life and therefore it'll keep making me think of... stuff...
why do i choose to make myself feel this way?
meh i'm a stupid teenage girl, that's why.

I just deleted a whole paragraph because it can pretty much be summed up with the next two lines:
-bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch about my life-
and
"OH WOE IS ME"

I've waited and waited for tomorrow to be a better day.
If you ask me, it's like procrastinating - "i'll do it tomorrow" and then "i'll do it tomorrow"
I don't do it until i have to. which is a long time after.
just like a better day.
it probably wont come for awhile.

hmm i just looked at that. and realized the potential of a poem there. but. meh. i'll see if soemthing comes to me. I've lost the person who inspires me, spurs me, tells me to write poetry.
so how do i continue?

the extent of my poetic-ness.

Shadows in the corner laugh at you
They know you're alone today
And really, even you blame you
'cause you pushed everyone away.

Voices whisper in your ear
they tell you what you're worth.
They tell you not what you want to hear
But the answer you deserve.

"not much, really"







=="" man, i'm so poetic. i really like how i crafted the last line.
>=(

today was a fairytale

lol. sif.
but i cant believe today was the first time i heard this song.
i am ashamed.
some Taylor Swift fangirl i am.

I've taken a liking to walking home at night. It's. nice.
although,
something bugs me.
I'm always going on about how much i love stars. like, i'll buy something if it's got stars on it. i love looking at the stars. there's something beautiful and mysterious about them. ETC ETC
OH GOD HOW CLICHE
sigh. yea, me and EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD thinks that.
well. a large majority of people.
especially girls.
> <
i'm such a cliche teenage girl.
>=(

something completely unrelated:
toga party at uni next week.
i kinda wanna go. i think it'd be fun to fashion a sheet into a dress. on the other hand, i'm too poor to buy a ticket right now. and also. i dont wanna risk having someone step on my sheet-made toga. that would. you know. be not cool. O_o
i feel like it would be. some sort of experience to go to a toga party though. so. hmm.

another thing:
holy shit it's amost 12

another thing:
my poetry 222 paper is organizing a poetry magazine and they want people to contribute.
i wanted to... then i realized that the poetry i write isnt that good. and is very emo. and so that might not be such a good idea. they might ship me off to counselling or something.

end rant.

Procrastination

OH NO. It's only the first weekend of the semester!!
I fully intended to study today. And do some reading. and stuff.
But all i can do is listen to songs from the drama 下一站 , 辛福  and play around with the settings on my blog.
All i did was revert back to the original template and colour.
fail.
hmm. it's almost 3 pm.
I meant to be insightful in my blogs, but i can now see that's not very possible. maybe i'm just void of insight.

Anyway, here is one of the results of my procrastination:

emo makeup and camwhoring ftw.
=P

K HMWRK TYM
BAI

ah. nostalgia of when i used to type like a retard =]

self doubt and ranting

It's dangerous to compare yourself with others.
you'll feel like you'll never be able to match up.

"She hated writing anything. Why write when one could read?"
-The Love Letter by Cathleen Schiene

That made me think. it's true. my writing will never compare with those who i admire. so. why write?
But then. isnt that pathetic? it's good to not be arrogant. but how do you know you cant do something great?
i dont know. i confuse myself.

lately, i've been listening to a lot of mandopop. mostly stuff by 丁噹 who is amazing.
but these past few days, my song that has been constantly on repeat is 加油! by JJLin.

I orginally wanted to do a translation for 加油! on here. but then i realised that there isnt really an english equivalent. so fail. or maybe my chinese/english is just too noob. yes i used "noob". bite me.

I dont know. it's such a cheering song. and maybe i'm feeling pitiful or something. lol. i need some cheering. or something. lol.
sigh.
People who write songs are so amazing!! i'm so jealous and admiring of them.
when i listen to a song, the melody is very important but i think i still hold the lyrics in higher respect.
But that's just me. I'm not very musically sensitive i suppose.
sometimes. lyircs are just... so goddamn amazing.
which brings me back to my feeling of never being able to write amazing thing cause everyone else is so much better!!
AHHHH
sigh.
the english papers i'm taking at uni make me want to write seriously again. like i did when i was younger and fancied myself a writer, a poet. but now?
all i can do is rant on my blog.

blah

wow. blogging two days in a row. aren't i diligent?
no, the truth is, i've been feeling somewhat depressed. and so. i'm venting.
just like old days. and my emo blogs.
lol.
"depressed". i think this word has been overused. by me. a lot.
how's... "i've been feeling somewhat unhappy"? or "I've been feeling somewhat down"? or "i've been feeling somewhat sad" ?
lol. it's been kind of hard for me to concentrate lately. no, i am not making an excuse not to study.
hmm i should really stop walking around looking angry and in a hurry.
either that, or i kind of have this blank look on my face...
sigh.
oh this is excellent isn't it.
oh nevermind. i'm just being stupid.
this blog entry feels like i've just taken a piece of beautiful white A4 paper, gotten a black felt tip pen and scribbled all over it.
it's the same kind of messy, and the same kind of frustration.

and so it begins

Another year. new faces. and old ones. and new textbooks which will become amazing pillows. and new lecture halls to fall asleep in. ah. and so another semester begins.
i hate the first day of uni. it's so crowded. well. i guess the whole of the first week will be like this. i mean, it's really the only time everyone goes to every class. And then it starts going downhill.
haha....><" i know this from first hand experience.
On the other hand, it's nice to be back, nice to see everyone, nice to be reminded that no, i'm not fond of school, nor am i of studying or having to study.
i suppose i COULD write more, since today i had a lecture about "the self" and writing of the selves. or something. it was rather interesting. and blogging was brought up and yes, it is what i am doing now.
huh. i suddenly feel odd about it.
but anyway. we were told to start a journal and continue to write for 14 days. so. i have other writing to do. so i wont keep going. but yea. anyway.
you know how they say if a leaf falls on you when you walk under a tree, it's good luck? well, today on of those pods that holds seeds fell on my shoulder. it really kinda hurt. but is it still good luck? i hope so ^^;;
i wouldnt mind having some.
anyway. time to go write in my JOURNAL.
oh god, how cliche.