To be honest, I know I have it heaps better than a lot of people but still. A lot of the time I envy other couples because they seem to be able to spend all their time together and be able to see each other when they want. And I wish it was like that for us.
And yet sometimes it's been like such a mission for him to come and see me. That's so stupid.
And I know that every relationship is different and everyone interacts in a different way and it's not right to envy other couples but still...
I just wanna be able to see him when I want, to wake up next to him sometimes, to.. I don't know.. Go out in the middle of the night on a whim to see him. I wish he was allowed to come over to mine to just hang. I wish we could just spend all day together. I wish we could go on a trip together. I don't know. They just seem like such normal couple things that people do but we don't because half the time I'm not allowed.
I have all these restrictions and I can't go out when I want, I can't attend every social event with him, can't even see him for that often most of the time nowadays and I resent that so much. I really wish that things could just be really simple but unfortunately it never is (I don't know if it's just me).
Sometimes I wonder if he might get sick of this because I'm sure things could be a lot easier with anyone else. It's just difficult with me.
And now I might be leaving soon for a year and that will just make things even harder and I don't know if I can handle it.
_
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