Goodbye (kinda but not really)

I thought about this for a long time and I've decided that it's time to say goodbye to this blog.

Of course, this is not goodbye forever, pfft as if it's that easy to stop me from rambling on the internet. I'm just... Moving to a new blog.

I've been blogging since around the second half of my first year of high school (ah, good old msn spaces) and I got really really into it, making sure to update weekly about my life and my feelings, I tried to learn html to make glow fonts etc, I asked my readers about the themes and what they preferred.. haha I think at one point my entries would average about ten comments each. I was super proud of that at the time haha.
I even made a friend (sorta). She was an anonymous follower who actually went to my school and she'd always read my entries and comment and say stuff like "maybe I'll see you at school tomorrow and not even know it, but I hope I do". I slowly started blogging less and less when I neared the end of high school (I think it was cause CIE was pretty full on and I had to study all the time)
Aaannywayyyyy, I wanted to blog again after awhile so I started this blog at the end of my first year of uni... And it's been fun ^^ I know my blogging has become mostly angst or bad poetry but I still really enjoyed having somewhere to vent, and I appreciate that people still read my entries even if they were often vague and passive aggressive and pretentious.

So, well, I thought it was sort of fitting that I start a new one now, in the second half of my first year out of uni.

I know I've said a million times that I wanna start blogging properly again and have made a few other blogs in an attempt to do that, but have been (as you may have noticed) less than successful...

BUT

The past two chapters of my life have each had their own blog, and this new chapter deserves one too^^

I don't know how many people still actually read this, or just occasionally glance at it when they think of it, but I appreciate it a lot ^^ that people care even a tiny bit about my rambles and my life to read what I write. Ugh I wondered for ages which platform I should use..  Contemplated using WordPress for ages but I decided on tumblr in the end~
So here's the link to my new blog Chapter 7
Please visit ^^

Luff you guise

_

I've been wanting to blog for awhile, but I haven't be able to find the right words.
I've been so unhappy for awhile now and I kept telling myself that I would be okay, but the truth is, I'm not okay.
The other day, a friend told me that she felt like since the beginning of the year, I've been being chipped away at, that I'm not that same person anymore; that I've changed so much. And she's right.
I've become so bitter and unhappy and emotional. Tears come so easily to my eyes now. I find it hard to smile for people's successes. I'm scared of seeing people and having them ask how I'm doing. I'm always alone, always isolated and constantly close to tears. I distract myself with trivial things hoping that perhaps I can gain some relief from my unhappiness. I've come to doubt everything about myself. I have no confidence, and I feel like I've given up any hope of success.

I'm sick of feeling like I owe everyone around me an apology -
my family: for making them worry, for disappointing them, for not being the daughter they wanted, for not making them proud,
my friends: for neglecting them, for not being there for them, for not seeing them, for shutting them out of my life because of my misery
my boyfriend: for having to put up with my tears, for being an absent girlfriend, for having to leave him, for not being able to make him happy, for leaning on him too much as my only source of happiness

More than anything, I just want to be happy. I just want to live a happy life and feel blessed that I'm alive and be surrounded by people whom I love and love me back. I just want to not worry so much and to get through a few weeks without trying to force those tears back into my eyes by tilting my head back. I want to move forward, I want to work towards my future, and I'm so frustrated that I can't.

someone help me