Lately.

I've been feeling strange.
Unhappy?
I don't know.
just strange.
like I'm really far away from everyone.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not being despressed.
Things are wrong. But not that wrong.
I feel like sometimes I look and someone and I think:
"I could never ever ever understand what it would be like to see through your eyes"
sometimes I think:
"Why can't you see what I see? Or.. is it that i'm missing something that you're seeing?"
other times i think:
"even if i could read your mind, i'd probably still be confused"

I feel like there's something between me and the rest of the world.
It's not numbness.
i guess a good metaphor would be.. a thick pane of glass?
I can't hear clearly or see clearly
I feel like... no matter how hard i press myself against the glass, I can't reach anyone.
I can tap on the glass and someone will look up, for a second.
But will lose interest when they realise they can't get to me.

I feel like, even if i'm sitting next to someone.. they're a million miles away from me.
like. i want to sit really close to make sure they're really there.
I feel like everyone's hearts are so far away from mine.
I feel like our thoughts are so far apart
I feel like our ideals are so far apart
so much so that we may as well be on either end of the planet.

I don't feel like i'm being left behind
or that
I'm leaving people behind.
it feels like...
that feeling you get when you stand when the sea meets the beach
and the tide comes in and then goes out
and the sand underneath your feet is being washed away.
and you feel like you're being pulled away from the beach, away from the world.

_