To be honest,

I'd really like to fall in love.

Lol I've put off this post for so long because I didn't want to sound desperate but I realised that I'll never stop drafting this in my head until I actually write it.

And when I say fall in love,
I don't mean "OMG I want a boyfriend"
I just mean I want to fall in love.

If fall in love is a bit extreme, how about just a crush?
How about just being extra happy to see someone?
How about just being somehow drawn to them?
Having your heart skip a beat when they initiate a conversation with you?
How about just being unable to supress your smile when you see them?
How about wanting to see them and talk to them all the time?
How about wanting to make them happy?

What about just growing close to someone again without worrying about anything else?
Can I just start with that?

I don't really remember what it feels like anymore.
I only recall the heartache.
Isn't that sad?

I remember being just okay.
I remember hating it.
I remember being miserable.
I also remember just being really happy.. I guess.
But I don't think I remember (or even know) what simple, sweet beginnings are like.

I'm not one of those people who are particularly fond of being in relationships. I like being alone. I don't really know how to get along with people. I don't know how to let people into my life. I put up walls (yea I know cliche, whatever, it's late, I'm tired).

But I guess it'd be nice to know what it's like to be really happy because of someone else.

Damn it I sound 14.

_