Ranting (haven't done one of these in awhile)

Been finding it so hard to get to sleep lately.
Oh insomnia, why must you torture me like this every night? If you love company so much, why don't you just spend time with misery, he loves company too. (HAR HAR HAR AMY YOU'RE SO  HILARIOUS AND CLEVER.)
Even when I do manage to sleep, it brings me no satisfaction or comfort, and I don't feel refreshed at all when I wake up.
I hate this ><
I really wish I could use sleep as a form of escape, like I am used to doing, (since I've been rather unhappy again these past 2 weeks) but it seems my scumbag brain is refusing to let me do so.
Arrrggghhhhhhh and my body is now unable to handle allnighters >< so I can't even adjust my sleeping pattern.
Sigh.
WHY CAN'T I SLEEP
And I was even tired as hell today ><
Ahhh my eyes freaking hurt from being a little bitch and crying again (really, really gotta stop doing that)

I miss my rebellious/'cool'/wannabebadass teenage years when I was oddly emotionless at times and never seemed to be able to cry. My eyes were always oddly dry at times in which tears seemed appropriate.

Now I cry at every. Damn. Thing.

"Omg Dan and Steph on MKR are such an adorable couple" *cries*
"Omg advertising in which a child runs up to their mother" *cries*
"Omg I'm struggling with finding a job" *cries*
"Omg I miss my friends" *cries*
"Omg my boyfriend loves me" *cries*

I really need to cut it out ==
I cry too much, my eyes aren't gonna be able to take it.
WHY AM I SO WEAK?!

I think I'm a little off topic. The real question is, WHY CAN'T I FREAKING SLEEP?!
Well I guess I kinda know the answer to that question.. but still TT I want sleep. PLEAAAASE. I NEED A BUTTERFREE TO USE SLEEP POWDER ON ME.
I need to stop being so lame @.@

Sigh.

Mommy is gonna kill me if she finds out I'm still awake at this time.

Is it past witching hour yet? Can the BFG come and blow a dream into my window?

I miss having a bedside lamp! I wanna read ><

_

The universe isn't rooting for us

The universe isn't rooting for us,
but I am.

The seasons which are passing too quickly -
they aren't rooting for us,
but I am.

Summer, especially, seems to mock me,
leaving me in his dust and I lie, 

panting, on shards of longing, 

choking on flecks of memories.
I could never keep up with anyone     let alone the speed of
  the growing chill   and   greying skies;
the rising wind,  the falling leaves.
I used to think summer was rooting for all lovers,
  but now,
I realize he is only playing at Cupid when the days are long and warm -
a temporary Cupid whose blunt arrows are tipped
with weak poison.

Time isn't rooting for us,
but I am.
it seems as if every passing second laughs with delight as
he flies past us -
every minute regards me with eyes of malice, reveling in his agility
as he slips from my clumsy fingers.
The hour, like its younger brothers,
escapes with ease.
He too, shows me no sympathy.
I was a fool
  to pray that days would not end if I refused to shut my eyes.

Melancholy isn't rooting for us,
but I am.
She sits atop my chest and sinks her claws deep,
she knows the pain can stop my heart.
She mummifies me with shadows and she holds on so tight
that I cannot breathe.
She laps up my tears and sinks her teeth into my sadness.
The moment you leave me,
Melancholy feeds.

But surely,
Happiness is rooting for us,
as I am.
my smile that spreads and my heart that skips -
your voice which softens and your lips that linger.
  Surely,
these are the things that root for us.
It is intimacy that roots for us;
Your breath in my ear,
my hand in your hair,
and your lips brushing my palm when I reach out to touch your face.

I am rooting for us
and
I am not afraid of the universe.

_

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it's a fool

who plays it cool

by making his world a little colder

my song of the day ^^
It put me in such a good mood <3

_

Sweeping Declarations

Starting next week, I shall

- join the gym and go at least four times a week
- work hard on my novel and write at least 3000 words a day
- apply for at least three jobs a day
- get up early (I'll start with 8:30, then 8, then 7:30, then 7 and maybe eventually 6:30)
- read at least two books a week
- learn how to play guitar and do that 五月天 song cover I was always gonna do
- write a poem every two days (and just edit it if it's not good)

I know it's not the beginning of the year but these are my resolutions.
Let's follow up in 3 months shall we?

_

Today is my grandma's 78th birthday

And I just wanna talk about how admirable I think she is. Not only is she an amazing cook (and is badass and can chop up an entire chicken with those massive chopping knives) and kind and sweet like how people expect grandmas to be, she's also my role model.

She was super pretty when she was young and was super smart and went to the best high school in Taipei and was super athletic and was on the basketball team. She came from a reasonably wealthy family but she married my grandpa who wasn't that well off and they were poor but she was still happy and never complained and made their home happy and warm. Then my grandpa passed away when my mum was 16 and my grandma got jobs and raised her three kids by herself.

And even after she got older and her kids could support her she continued to live a really fulfilling life. Even now, she goes to interesting classes and attend seminars and speeches so she can gain more knowledge.She gets up early to exercise and practice martial arts everyday.

She's got heaps of guts and even though she can't speak English she used to come to nz by herself to visit us. She's travelled to heaps of countries and everytime she goes to Japan she freaking bargains with shopkeepers even though her Japanese isn't fully fluent.

She's really cool and plays games with us kids. She used to play gameboy and on my cousin's psp and now she's super into candy crush. She's always interested in new technology and new things and willing to learn how to use them. She learnt how to use Skype to call us and how to turn forward the time on her tablet so she has more lives on candy crush.

My grandma's also super fashionable and classy and always wears chiffon or silk scarves and still dresses up, even if she's just going out to dinner.

I hope I can be like her when I'm 78
She's still so young at heart and living life how it should be lived ^^

_