the movie that is.
I know, I know, it's a movie from last year... blah blah a long time ago, why am I just writing about it now.. blah blah.
Don't blame me, I just saw it on the plane coming back from Taiwan.
well, this isn't a review of the movie.
although, it might contain spoilers so if you haven't seen it but you're planning on seeing it, don't read this.
Go find it, watch it, and then come and read this.
Oh and this is really long so... errrrmmm, yea.
If you have the urge to comment with tldr please DONT. please. I'm asking nicely. I know my mentioning this is just asking for it. But seriously. PLEASE. You can just not comment or not read it or both! I don't know why I'm so insistent about this, this time... I normally don't even care... but I'm just in this kinda mood.
So..... onegaishimasu! -bows-
What I really wanna talk about, is love, true love, 'the one', destiny, and all that stuff.
well, not really.
I think I wanna talk about faithfulness in a relationship
well I think I wanna talk about how sexist society is
actually,
I think I just wanna complain about a some of the characters, situations and themes presented and portrayed in this movie. And how the more I thought about them, the more annoyed I got.
Lol.
Don't get me wrong, I actually liked the movie. I enjoyed watching it. If it came on, on TV, I'd sit down and watch it if I had nothing else to do. It was pretty cute in some parts, it had some good humour, funny situations, good lines, reasonable character development, likeable characters(even though they were kind of like typical stock characters, ie. Ryan Gosling's character: the hot, smooth rich womanizer who is actually lonely and damaged), it was a bit predictable but let's face it, which romantic comedy isn't?
Oh and another thing I have to mention (and i apologize for this in advance)
RYAN GOSLING'S ABS. WTF. Ahem. I'm not ususally the type to be all like "OMFG LOOK AT THAT TOTALLY HOT GUY AND HIS ABS OMFG" -squeal- -giggle- but like, wtf man. it was like
I actually used a meme. oh god.
aaaaaaaanyway, not to get sidetracked, the movie is basically about a middle aged man called Cal (played by Steve Carell) who married his high school sweetheart but all the spark has gone out of their marriage (god, that was a badly constructed sentence).
So one day out of the blue, his wife (whose name is Emily) tells him she slept with someone else and that she wants a divorce. So they get divorced and Cal meets Jacob (Ryan Gosling) who teaches him how to pick up chicks.
simple. And so the plot develops from there. Oh, this is one of those movies with the seemingly seperate plotlines that are all eventually interwoven. But that's irrelevant to me (for the sake of this post)
So one thing that pissed me off about this movie was how the wife acted.
Seriously! She was the one who cheated on him in the first place!
what right does she have to get all pissed off when she finds out that he slept with other women?
they weren't even married anymore!
And okay, so she regretted her actions, was sorry, etc BUT HER EXCUSE WAS THAT SHE WAS GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS? Jeez.What a bitch.
Furthermore, she didn't even try to do anything to FIX their marriage! What, she felt guilty? Confused? Miserable? Unsure of how to express herself? Felt that she had no right to say or do anything? It wasn't "Oh I feel terrible, I miss my husband, maybe I should try to fix things. it was OH HE'S SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN! I HAVE ALL THIS ANGER AND PRIDE (which she should totally not have considering she was the one who betrayed her husband) I'M GOING TO DATE THE GUY I CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND WITH, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T REALLY WANT TO."
has it occurred to her that maybe he was just doing all this because he's miserable without you?
She was pretty much just self righteous and self-pitying.
And SELFISH.
SO like, near the end of the film Cal was all like "I should have fought for you blah blah" or something to that effect.
WHY? Why did he have to do it while she did nothing?
because he's the male? he has to chase the girl? to win her back? to keep the romance alive in their marriage? That's so sexist!
I don't have that much experience in relationships, but I'm pretty sure it's a two way thing.
The movie characterizes Cal as this really romantic guy who believes in true love etc. So it can basically be read as him being more emotionally invested in the relationship so he has to be the one to fix it, no matter who was at fault. It's condemning people who are like him! Basically saying "weeeeellllllllllll it can't be helped that this is your disposition, you only have yourself to blame"
Last thing (i think) is the whole part after the climax and before the resolution. So basically the part leading up to the resolution when Cal is alone, isolated, sad and everyone's pissed off at him. Why????
why?? why???? He didn't deserve any of that! Why did he deserve to be punished?
They made it seem like he was just being stubborn! And that it was his own fault that things turned out the way they did! If only he hadn't agreed to the divorce that his wife wanted! Of course it's his responsibility to fight for their marriage! =="
Yes, I know it's just a movie. There's no need to be patronizing.
BUT STILL.
There are people like this! This world is huge and whatever can be imagined can and probably does exist and happen.
Also, this movie is MAKING LIGHT OF BEING UNFAITHFUL IN A MARRIAGE! It's like they're saying "Oh don't worry! If your husband loves you enough, he'll forgive you!'
WELL HE SHOULDN'T. Unless you work really really hard to rebuild your marriage (and even then, I'm not so sure but that's just my personal opinion) WHICH EMILY CERTAINLY DIDN'T DO.
And another problem with this movie is that all the girls who watch it will be like "AWWWW SO THAT'S WHAT TRUE LOVE IS LIKE! HE'LL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO AND HE'LL ALWAYS FORGIVE YOU AND TRY TO WIN YOU BACK"
..........................................................................
no. just no.
Lol after writing all this, maybe i don't like the movie that much. lol.
but.
My point was my disapproval of people's attitudes I'm not just getting worked up over some silly movie.
sigh
Maybe I just think too much.
_
lol I also watched this on the plane ride (to China). But yeah I really liked the movie, I started stalking ryan gosling and emma stone on tumblr after that >< (IT'S LIKE THEY'RE PHOTOSHOPPED)
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, I just have to say, what I got from the movie wasn't that true love exists etc. etc., more like the opposite. If you marry someone you met when you were so young, and even though you may be so in love, so passionate, so perfect, being together for 20 odd years in marriage kinda screws up that love. Feelings fade, passion fades, people change. When I was little it felt like real marriage wasn't something that's going to be romantic but more of a necessity - probably because asian parents/my parents never showed any signs of affection. My parents never kissed, hugged, said "I love you" or displayed any sort of emotion to tell me that they were two people in love, not just two people who shared the same house and the same child. It made me feel like they had never been in love, and I always wondered why they got married.
When I went back to China in the hols we visited my parents' old university, and their old school mates kept on talking about the days that they started going out, how they always sneaked off together, my dad even said once they wagged class to eat a giant watermelon in the bushes. I don't know if it's the same with yours, but I've never, ever seen them do anything as intimate as that before. And the most disturbing thing was, that's what we're like now as young people - when we're in love, we sneak off together, we wag class to see each other. But it's like 20 years of marriage has turned such pure young love like that to some form of sterile, compulsory love that's tied together by a tangled web of responsibility.
Hmm think this is going off topic and not really on the same line as what you were talking about.. >< but the point I'm trying to make is, wouldn't it be better to end a marriage that's so devoid of affection or romantic love? You wouldn't want to raise your child in a family where the kid never sees his parents show their love for each other. There was this indian girl in my old primary, and one of my most vivid memories of her was when one day I asked her if she wanted to get married and she replied, "I don't believe in love. There's no such thing as true love." We were 10.. at that age, girls were suppose to be just starting to dream about romance, fantasize about finding a prince charming. But her parents were an arranged marriage.. and it's so sad.
Not saying it's alright to cheat. Or divorce so lightly. I'm glad my parents stayed together for responsibility of a family and for "old time's sake". But there really is no such thing as "true" love, is there? Only two very, very compatible people whose personalities don't let them stray from or question their feelings for each other at all, not even after 20, 40, 60 years. Those are the love stories that end with a picture of two old people sitting beside each other on a park bench in the setting sun, holding hands.
Lol sorry, this is completely irrelevant to your post, I really should've put it in my own blog post ><" but by the time it started getting long so I cbf >< you don't have to reply lol this is so random -__-
bahahaha Jeannie I love you and your cute last paragraph.
DeleteAND I KNOW OMG RIGHTEMMA STONE AND RYAN GOSLING -SQUEAL- ESPECIALLY THAT PART WHEN THEY DO THE WHOLE RUN JUMP AND LIFT SCENE FROM DIRTY DANCING LOL THAT WAS THE BEST SCENE EVER.
What you said about your parents was really cute^^ I think kids can never imagine their parents as young men and women, doing the same things, thinking the same way because well... parents are parents lol and maybe it's an asian thing, but yea I think asian parents just dont display affection for each other in front of their kids so readily as maybe western people do. Asians are just more uptight? lol...But I think for a lot of long married couples,(aside from the responsibility thing) there's a sense of 默契 and companionship and deep-rooted affection, even if there's no more 'romantic love' or 'passion'.
The thing about the movie though, it's like they're trying to say that every marriage still needs that 'spark of romance' and while I think that's really nice (and of course ideal) it's not what makes a marriage. (I think anyway lol)In saying that, I'm not implying that if two people who are married and are no longer in love, to a point that makes them miserable, that they should definitely stay together. Even out of responsibility.
I don't wanna get into my whole complicated and skewed perception of love and romance and marriage cause well, it's a long story... like really really long. lol. And kind of complicated. And no matter how much I explain it to various people, no one seems to get what I'm talking about (even if they think they've got it figured out)
but I think there's a huge difference between just 'love' and 'passion' or even 'romance'. Love is something that goes way deeper. I think affection links closer to love than passion or romance.
But I think the whole "I love you, but i'm not in love with you" stuff is basically bullshit. What does that even mean? Your heart doesn't skip a beat when you see them? There isn't that initial excitemeny? It's just an excuse to leave someone you don't love anymore. imo.
But yea, those pictures of old couples sitting together ><" I've seen a real life example. They honestly just held hands everyday, and sat side by side in their wheelchairs. and fml it made me SO SAD when one of them passed away. And I didn't even know them lol they were just a couple at the nursing home my grandpa stayed at. Isn't that love? True and deep affection? They no longer had to have a sense of responsibility, only companionship and the sense of familiarity, knowing this person who spent their life with you is still by your side.
lol wow this was long rofl but i kinda really enjoy talking about this stuff ^^;;; I'm glad you took the time to write such a long comment lol
lol I'm so noob just checked this now >< But wow I really agree with what you said about love vs. passion or romance :o
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's like you know this person SO, SO well that the way you treat or act around them is no different to the way you treat or act your real family, or the people you grew up with. But the thing is, family will always love each other. It's in your instinct to love them (presuming you didn't come from a broken/abusive/evil step-mother/sister family), you can't ever stop loving family like some people claim they stop loving someone they've been married to for 20 or 30 odd years.
But there's no right way go about a marriage.. only lots of wrong ways I guess. People want different things, some people are reckless, want change, don't get attached to 'family' because they can run away, begin fresh and make a new one. Some people value what they have, value familiarity and understanding. Thinking about it, the thing that's most precious about being the close friend or the other half of someone is how well you just UNDERSTAND them.. like you know them so, so well, inside out, upside down, you know thoroughly what sort of person they are. It feels so wasteful to throw away the history and 默契 and memories you've made together, no matter for what reason.
What I feel like you're talking about (but dunno if it's right) is when sometimes during the process of two people developing their relationship with each other, there's this point, this tiny climax where they're both so in sync with each other, know and understand and care so thoroughly. Sometimes after that point, people change, fall out, someone gets greedy, someone lets a third party interfere in what should only be between the two of them alone and the relationship gets tainted. It would be amazing if two people can stay the way they were with each other at that tiny climax, stay in the same state for years to come. Or if they stray, be able to recover and go back to the way they were.
That'd be so nice, and maybe people like those old couples who still hold hands have achieved something like that. Lol right now I'm picturing two people silhouetted against the golden sky, at that time when the sun's just about to vanish into the horizon, and the old lady's head will be rested peacefully on her husband's chest where she can hear the beat of his heart still beating steady as hers slowly starts to slow down...
OMG T__T Lol I dunno what I'm talking about, everything sounds way too naive or cliche to ever be accurate / happen zz.