once and for all.
i've finally made up my mind, built up my resolve.
i'm not gonna regret this.
i'm not gonna change my mind.
this is it. this is it. this is it.
_
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
So i'm watching an asian drama
and girl A is in love with the guy and girl B hurt the guy in the past but still loves him.
BUT SHAME GIRL B CAUSE THE GUY LOVES GIRL A NOW.
So anyway girl A goes to girl B
"如果你那麼擔心他受傷 那當初為什麼要讓他那麼痛?"
(if you're so worried about him getting hurt, why did you cause him so much pain?)
and girl B goes
"你y以為就只有受傷的人才會痛嗎? 那傷人的那一個呢? 他連喊痛的資格都沒有"
(do you think the only person who feels pain is the one getting hurt? What about the one who is inflicting the pain? they don't even have the right to express their pain)
WELL OF COURSE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.
yes. you hate yourself for hurting them. and you care about them so of course, when they hurt, you hurt too.
but SERIOUSLY.
too fucking bad.
you screwed up one too many times.
maybe the first time, it was an accident.
but by the second time..
you KNEW that you were hurting them, so why, why why, did you keep doing it?
Because they put up with it? Because you think that they will always forgive you? Or because you're just selfish?
if inflicting pain hurts you too... THEN STOP DOING IT. that way, you stop inflicting pain on yourself AND the other person.
Two birds, one stone.
lol this is just a drama, a work of fiction! why am i getting so worked up about it? Beacuse I'm just like this lol Yea, I tend to get affected by books or movies or dramas when i get really into them.
i remember when i used to watch korean dramas and i ended up yelling at the TV cause people were SO FREAKING STUPID. LIKE HONESTLY. UGH. FICTIONAL PEOPLE NOWADAYS.
lol.
but seriously... i feel like i can kind of relate to it.
I'm not saying all this as if i don't understand... I'm not being high and mighty.
I kinda know how girl B feels.
i've hurt people. and i've know that i hurt people and it's the worst feeling in the world to have hurt people that I genuinely cared about... and I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. And i wish that I could reverse time, erase pain.
BUT the difference between me and girl B is that, in my opinion, I certianly HAVE NO RIGHT to even THINK that i'm allowed to talk about how pained i am, about how i didn't wanna hurt them but i did so now i'm sad.
because... well...
it was my fault.
and i'm not the victim.
I can feel guilty, I can worry, I can feel sad that i screwed things up but i think i should keep those things to myself. However, I can say sorry, I can express my regret, I can try not to inflict any more pain.
On the other hand, I don't think i'm allowed to say "I'M ALSO HURT BY MY ACTIONS THAT HURT YOU" (also, it just sounds stupid)
That's what annoys me about girl B
however pained she might feel.... She shouldn't talk about it..
She should bear it in silence. That's the punishment she earned.
BUT SHE DOESN'T
-RAGE-
but i suppose it wouldn't be very good television if girl B had morals.
_
BUT SHAME GIRL B CAUSE THE GUY LOVES GIRL A NOW.
So anyway girl A goes to girl B
"如果你那麼擔心他受傷 那當初為什麼要讓他那麼痛?"
(if you're so worried about him getting hurt, why did you cause him so much pain?)
and girl B goes
"你y以為就只有受傷的人才會痛嗎? 那傷人的那一個呢? 他連喊痛的資格都沒有"
(do you think the only person who feels pain is the one getting hurt? What about the one who is inflicting the pain? they don't even have the right to express their pain)
WELL OF COURSE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT.
yes. you hate yourself for hurting them. and you care about them so of course, when they hurt, you hurt too.
but SERIOUSLY.
too fucking bad.
you screwed up one too many times.
maybe the first time, it was an accident.
but by the second time..
you KNEW that you were hurting them, so why, why why, did you keep doing it?
Because they put up with it? Because you think that they will always forgive you? Or because you're just selfish?
if inflicting pain hurts you too... THEN STOP DOING IT. that way, you stop inflicting pain on yourself AND the other person.
Two birds, one stone.
lol this is just a drama, a work of fiction! why am i getting so worked up about it? Beacuse I'm just like this lol Yea, I tend to get affected by books or movies or dramas when i get really into them.
i remember when i used to watch korean dramas and i ended up yelling at the TV cause people were SO FREAKING STUPID. LIKE HONESTLY. UGH. FICTIONAL PEOPLE NOWADAYS.
lol.
but seriously... i feel like i can kind of relate to it.
I'm not saying all this as if i don't understand... I'm not being high and mighty.
I kinda know how girl B feels.
i've hurt people. and i've know that i hurt people and it's the worst feeling in the world to have hurt people that I genuinely cared about... and I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. And i wish that I could reverse time, erase pain.
BUT the difference between me and girl B is that, in my opinion, I certianly HAVE NO RIGHT to even THINK that i'm allowed to talk about how pained i am, about how i didn't wanna hurt them but i did so now i'm sad.
because... well...
it was my fault.
and i'm not the victim.
I can feel guilty, I can worry, I can feel sad that i screwed things up but i think i should keep those things to myself. However, I can say sorry, I can express my regret, I can try not to inflict any more pain.
On the other hand, I don't think i'm allowed to say "I'M ALSO HURT BY MY ACTIONS THAT HURT YOU" (also, it just sounds stupid)
That's what annoys me about girl B
however pained she might feel.... She shouldn't talk about it..
She should bear it in silence. That's the punishment she earned.
BUT SHE DOESN'T
-RAGE-
but i suppose it wouldn't be very good television if girl B had morals.
_
Sunday, June 19, 2011
honestly
i'm, like, dying of cuteness here.
i think the idea of love and romance and cute couples has been on my mind too much lately.
in the "AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW OMG TOO CUTE" -SQUEEEEEEEEE- sort of way
not in the "omg i'm going to die alone" sort of way (well okay it's like that occasionally, but mostly it's half jokingly anyway)
seeing this stuff just makes me happy.
O_o
i dont know why.
since when was i the type to be happy when i see others happy??
=P
_
i think the idea of love and romance and cute couples has been on my mind too much lately.
in the "AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW OMG TOO CUTE" -SQUEEEEEEEEE- sort of way
not in the "omg i'm going to die alone" sort of way (well okay it's like that occasionally, but mostly it's half jokingly anyway)
seeing this stuff just makes me happy.
O_o
i dont know why.
since when was i the type to be happy when i see others happy??
=P
_
Right Now
I'm reading a shoujo manga
it's so cute
i'm sitting here
smiling like an idiot at my computer screen
I feel 15 again
even though i'm almost 20 -sadface-
back then, i'd wish that something manga like would happen to me.
but now i'm past that time frame.
so i don't really think like that anymore
but still
...
i dont know what i'm trying to convey here.
i just wanted to rant :3
_
it's so cute
i'm sitting here
smiling like an idiot at my computer screen
I feel 15 again
even though i'm almost 20 -sadface-
back then, i'd wish that something manga like would happen to me.
but now i'm past that time frame.
so i don't really think like that anymore
but still
...
i dont know what i'm trying to convey here.
i just wanted to rant :3
_
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Oh Matsumoto Jun
whatcha lookin at? :3
remember when i used to be obsessed with you?
in year 10?
when i first watched the jap drama 'Gokusen' and discovered you?
remember?? and i had an album on my old blog of you?
and i obsessively joined several jdrama forums for you?
and you sparked my fangirl interests in all those other jpop boybands?
and then i moved on to some other guy after awhile?
ahem.
sorry.
this is a LITTLE out of character, no?
this reminds me of my old blog.. when i'd put up albums of japanese celebrities i liked
i was really obsessed with japan back then... and pretty much all things japanese
all my music was jpop
my desktop was from some drama or anime
i spent SO MUCH time browsing forums, watching dramas, listening to jpop, looking up lyrics, translating the lyrics.
good times.
lol i found that picture on tumblr. there's this girl that i follow and all the things she reblogs remind me of me when i was younger.... it's funny how that happens
yea.
so this was fun.
have an exam soon.
wow i go to SUCH lengths to procrastinate huh.
SOCIOLOGY OF DEATH I'MA PWN YOU.
or, like, maybe not, idk.
i'll pass okay though.
lol.
_
Friday, June 17, 2011
Question
what exactly did i do last year when i stayed up all night??
(actually, it kinda annoys me when people say 'question' before they ask a question)
I can't even remember...
i didn't have twitter
i didn't have facebook
i didn't have tumblr
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH MY NIGHTS?
i had msn
and skype. well we didn't skype every night.
online pool?
youtube?
study? (rofl)
plants vs zombies?
seriously. i can't remember !!
I can't imagine not having these sites to keep me entertained in the middle of the night anymore.
but i did just fine without them last year~
i THINK it was mostly msn.
okay this was a poor attempt at procrastination.
back to study now.
T^T
_
(actually, it kinda annoys me when people say 'question' before they ask a question)
I can't even remember...
i didn't have twitter
i didn't have facebook
i didn't have tumblr
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH MY NIGHTS?
i had msn
and skype. well we didn't skype every night.
online pool?
youtube?
study? (rofl)
plants vs zombies?
seriously. i can't remember !!
I can't imagine not having these sites to keep me entertained in the middle of the night anymore.
but i did just fine without them last year~
i THINK it was mostly msn.
okay this was a poor attempt at procrastination.
back to study now.
T^T
_
Thursday, June 16, 2011
"Baby,
You're where dreams go to die
and I regret the day
your lovely carcass caught my eye."
LOL
it's a depressing song. but i don't know why i found that line so funny.
maybe it's cause i have no soul.
or maybe it's the glancing reference to necrophilia
_
and I regret the day
your lovely carcass caught my eye."
LOL
it's a depressing song. but i don't know why i found that line so funny.
maybe it's cause i have no soul.
or maybe it's the glancing reference to necrophilia
_
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
3am
I can't sleep.
I remember when i was in year 10 and for awhile (like maybe a week? or maybe longer?)
i forget. memories blur now. it was so long ago.
I'd wake up at 3am. for no reason.
haha. it was so strange.
and kinda scary.
And then I told my friend and then he ended up txting me every night when it hit 3am for awhile.
just to be like "hey wow, you ARE awake!" if i replied.
It didn't even occur to me that even then, he had had horrible sleeping habits.
at that time, it didn't even occur to me that i'd ever end up having horrible sleeping habits.
3am used to be so late.
i don't know why i suddenly remembered this now.
haha
_
I remember when i was in year 10 and for awhile (like maybe a week? or maybe longer?)
i forget. memories blur now. it was so long ago.
I'd wake up at 3am. for no reason.
haha. it was so strange.
and kinda scary.
And then I told my friend and then he ended up txting me every night when it hit 3am for awhile.
just to be like "hey wow, you ARE awake!" if i replied.
It didn't even occur to me that even then, he had had horrible sleeping habits.
at that time, it didn't even occur to me that i'd ever end up having horrible sleeping habits.
3am used to be so late.
i don't know why i suddenly remembered this now.
haha
_
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Today
instead of going to uni to study, I sat in bed, on the side close to the window, and for the fifth time, I started to read "The history of love" by Nicole Karuss.
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
Rainy days in bed with a book and a cup of tea. What could be better?
But as i read, i suddenly felt a surge of annoyance, a wave of impatience at this world.
Why the does the world have to be so full of despair, full of suffering, full of war, full of misunderstanding, full of miscommunication, full of loss, full of pain, full of loneliness, full of sadness, so full of tears, full of lies, full of fear, full of fragility and so full of heartache?
Why are people so stubborn, so sad, so curious, so proud, so prone to mistakes, so inevitably self destructive?
“so many words get lost. they leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves.”
_
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
Rainy days in bed with a book and a cup of tea. What could be better?
But as i read, i suddenly felt a surge of annoyance, a wave of impatience at this world.
Why the does the world have to be so full of despair, full of suffering, full of war, full of misunderstanding, full of miscommunication, full of loss, full of pain, full of loneliness, full of sadness, so full of tears, full of lies, full of fear, full of fragility and so full of heartache?
Why are people so stubborn, so sad, so curious, so proud, so prone to mistakes, so inevitably self destructive?
“so many words get lost. they leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves.”
_
I like watching cute couples at uni
LOL that sounds creepy.
man. i always interrupt myself when i'm trying to be sentimental.
anyway.
I was sitting in general library level 2 today, looking out the window
and i just kept noticing couples walk by
it was just so cute seeing her smile up at the him as she talks enthusiastically about something
it's so cute when she casually loops her arm around his when he has his hands in his pockets.
it's so cute when she walks ahead and tugs on his hand for him to hurry up
etc etc
I love seeing cute couples.
I hate PDA couples. (just, by the way)
but when i see couples who seem so natural and comfortable with each other
it just warms my heart.
and i'm not even being sarcastic.
LOL I CAN JUST PICTURE A LONG SHOT FROM OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY OF ME LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW BUT MY FACE IS REPLACED BY A FOREVER ALONE FACE.
_
man. i always interrupt myself when i'm trying to be sentimental.
anyway.
I was sitting in general library level 2 today, looking out the window
and i just kept noticing couples walk by
it was just so cute seeing her smile up at the him as she talks enthusiastically about something
it's so cute when she casually loops her arm around his when he has his hands in his pockets.
it's so cute when she walks ahead and tugs on his hand for him to hurry up
etc etc
I love seeing cute couples.
I hate PDA couples. (just, by the way)
but when i see couples who seem so natural and comfortable with each other
it just warms my heart.
and i'm not even being sarcastic.
LOL I CAN JUST PICTURE A LONG SHOT FROM OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY OF ME LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW BUT MY FACE IS REPLACED BY A FOREVER ALONE FACE.
_
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Exams.
I sure everyone gets it
just as well as I
the exams we have to sit
make me want to cry
and you know you agree with me
cause you hate studying too
The textbooks become blurry
cause tears are hard to see through
So come exam time,
I sink into despair
why did I not study
when i had time to spare?
Stacks of heavy textbooks
and pages of lecture notes
Taunt me as I sit here
Saying "you know, this is your own fault".
And as much as I don't want to,
I should really go and cram
Cause I'll pretty much fail at life
If I fail all my exams.
_
just as well as I
the exams we have to sit
make me want to cry
and you know you agree with me
cause you hate studying too
The textbooks become blurry
cause tears are hard to see through
So come exam time,
I sink into despair
why did I not study
when i had time to spare?
Stacks of heavy textbooks
and pages of lecture notes
Taunt me as I sit here
Saying "you know, this is your own fault".
And as much as I don't want to,
I should really go and cram
Cause I'll pretty much fail at life
If I fail all my exams.
_
Sunday, June 5, 2011
this is bad.
this is very very very very bad.
i'm going through a drama/manga phase again.
and it's exam time.
but that's not even the problem.
the problem is that i'll go through that
"WHY DOESNT THIS ROMANTIC UNREALISTIC STUPID SHIT HAPPEN TO ME?!"
"WHY DON'T I EVER MEET SUPER HOT GUYS WHO PULL ME OUT OF THE WAY OF BUSES, OFFER ME UNBRELLAS, WHO I RUN INTO RANDOMLY ALL THE TIME, CATCH ME WHEN I TRIP ANDOTHERSTUFFTHATHAPPENSINDRAMAS"
phase.
lol. i dont think i ever grew out of that shit. and i'll never grow out of it =___="
DAMN IT.
_
i'm going through a drama/manga phase again.
and it's exam time.
but that's not even the problem.
the problem is that i'll go through that
"WHY DOESNT THIS ROMANTIC UNREALISTIC STUPID SHIT HAPPEN TO ME?!"
"WHY DON'T I EVER MEET SUPER HOT GUYS WHO PULL ME OUT OF THE WAY OF BUSES, OFFER ME UNBRELLAS, WHO I RUN INTO RANDOMLY ALL THE TIME, CATCH ME WHEN I TRIP ANDOTHERSTUFFTHATHAPPENSINDRAMAS"
phase.
lol. i dont think i ever grew out of that shit. and i'll never grow out of it =___="
DAMN IT.
_
Thursday, June 2, 2011
SO.
my computer that broke, like, over a year and a half ago is finally fixed.
zomg.
so many great things on here.
SO SO MANY.
teehee.
so many old photos <3
i have an urge to post SO MANY of them on here or on facebook.
but i have a feeling people would probably kill me. slowly and painfull.
AND I STILL HAVE SOME MESSAGE HISTORY
OMG I SALAVAGED SOME FROM MY MASS DELETE BACK THEN
i'm very excited.
i'm off to go through everything now.
kbai.
(:
_
zomg.
so many great things on here.
SO SO MANY.
teehee.
so many old photos <3
i have an urge to post SO MANY of them on here or on facebook.
but i have a feeling people would probably kill me. slowly and painfull.
AND I STILL HAVE SOME MESSAGE HISTORY
OMG I SALAVAGED SOME FROM MY MASS DELETE BACK THEN
i'm very excited.
i'm off to go through everything now.
kbai.
(:
_
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