As promised. Some sentiment. And reflection.

I've been meaning to write a new entry for awhile but I've been busy... doing god knows what.
This is gonna be pretty  LONG. I shoulda written a separate entries instead of just one. But I kinda fell behind on my blogging.

ANYWAY.
So at the old people's home/nursing home where my grandpa now lives..
there's this old couple.
He's 80 something and she's in her late 70s.
They're always sitting side by side in their wheelchairs.
And everytime I see them, they're holding hands.
It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
lol.
The only time i see them not holding hands is when they're having lunch.
And straight after they finish eating, he reaches over and grabs her hand.
Even someone like me, who isn't all that sure about marriage, thinks it would be great to have what that they have.
I mean sure, what do outsiders like me know?
But when you're old and you can't walk, you can't talk much and all you do is sit there everyday watching tv or sitting by the window and being taken care of by nurses...
I think that if you know that the person you love will be there, holding your hand, giving you hope and comfort.
...and that you have the person who loves you the most in the world by your side.
Then you're pretty freaking lucky.
It seems to me that it's very hard to obtain that sort of love in this world. At least for me.
BUT they kind of make me feel like it's possible to be in love with someone for as long as you live.
It's like when you ask for someone's "hand in marriage" you're taking their hand, promising to never let go and be their companion forever, through thick and thin.
And to me, this old couple embodies that idea.
....
OMG SO CHEESY
sorry guys ^^;;;;;;

I feel like I need some pictures in here to grab people's attention.
But i got nothin'
You can just stop reading if you like.
-everyone closes the tab/window-

So I don't know how many people that went to BBI remember, but in year 8 we played 'Chariots of Fire' in the orchestra.
Anyone remember? Ryan? Sarah? Allan? Remember?
I have lots of great memories linked to that piece of music.
Practising it in orchestra, preparing for the year 8 production, not having to go to class cause of the rehearsals.
So I was sitting in a noodle shop the other day (those tiny ones with no air conditioning, fold out tables and thosee cheap plastic chairs) and suddenly Chariots of Fire came on.
The weirdest feeling came over me when i heard it.
And suddenly I was reminded of the first time our orchestra played this piece from start to finish. And the overwhelming feeling it brought. I don't know about everyone else, but at that time, I was so moved by it.
Okay it's probaly because of the music. It's an amazing piece and just listening to it...  something... just wells up in my heart.
And well... it made me feel so close to everyone in the orchestra at that moment.
Also, the fact that our orchestra (which was not that great to be perfectly honest xp) was able to play it was pretty amazing lol... At the time, it felt like we achieved something together.
I don't know why i felt the need to blog about this!
I guess it was the place juxtaposing with the music and then the sudden rush of memories.
It was... a really odd feeling.
The only downside to all this is that I am unable to remove those stupid lyrics Mrs Vercoe (the music teacher) wrote (to go with it for the production) from my memory.
UGH. They were SO so so so.... ugh....
><"


listen to it.
^^

Okay so I was gonna write about one more thing... But honestly, I cbf. It's not very interesting (because the above was SO interesting ==")
But yea.
This has gone on long enough.
So.
Until next time.
uh...
I remain your faithful and humble servant..

_

something about what i've been doing/not doing
something about a song i like
something about something that makes me happy/sad/angry
some photo
some rant
some sentiment
some reflection
some sarcastic humour
some self deprecating humour
some creepy comment
some complaint
something about how i miss everyone in nz a lot and that i wish i could go back

_

Dear Kendra

I miss every part of you.
not just your face.

-creepy-

x

p.s. i miss you too rach<3

First day in Taiwan

I think i'm off to a pretty good start.

I'm sorry i've disappointed you.

Dear 13, 14, 15 year old self. I bet you'd be really diappointed if you saw me now.
I didn't want to turn out like this.
I don't know how it happened.
Please forgive me.

I guess sometimes in life reality hits you hard, and you realize that you've walked down a path that ultimately leads to failure.
And well. I hate it.
I really hate it.
It's not too late to turn back. I guess it's never too late to turn back.
Well. Never is a bit unrealistic.
It's not too late now at least.

But..
It's just not that easy. I'm just not sure what to do.
I don't really know how to change...
What happened?
I can think of a million reasons. I guess I should call them excuses?
But in the end, I know I have no one to blame but myself
I make/made the most difference in my own life.

You knew what you wanted to do, wanted to be, wanted to turn out like.
But I can't remember what those things were.
I just know that what I am now isn't what you wanted.
I wish i could go back and warn you.
You were so hopeful of the future.
I wish I could stop you from turning into me.
I wish that instead, that you could've become someone else.
The person you wanted to be and thought you'd be.

_

So... nice weather we're having.

So last night i was sitting here, really down, writing a really emo blog entry..
About halfway through, I just.. felt that i couldn't keep writing.
I was too full of hopelessness and other great things like that.
lol.
So i decided to wait to finish it today. Cause at the time, i was so sure that i'd still be miserable today..
But
I couldn't be.
The weather was too amazing.
It was like summer.
The sun was shining, the sky was blue, a few white clouds were scattered across the sky.
Ah it was so nice.
my spirits completely lifted as i was walking to uni.
The sun was piercing. Like omg-i'm-gonna-get-sunburnt piercing.
It was so hot.
My skin felt like it would burn
and omggg
love love love.
I wanted to act like a kid. take my shoes off. run around barefoot on the hot concrete.
I wanted to sit there in albert park forever~~
if only i wasn't so scared of getting tanned...
Ahhh it was so nice ^^

AND

I got study done today~~
teehee.

magic.

When I was a kid I believed in magic
I still do.
Kind of.
I make wishes at 11:11 (yes, screw you, people who mock me about this)
and other stuff.
What's wrong with having a little hope?
I WANT MAGIC TO EXIST OKAY.

The thing is, I used to wait
and wait
and wait
for things to happen.
Magical things.
Like for me to meet a fairy
a genie
to travel through time
meet a witch
meet a wizard.
find a wardrobe that led me to narnia
a rabbit hole that led me to wonderland
or just encounter some sort of supernatural/ mythical/ magical creature or situation
(I didn't wanna meet a ghost though ^^;;;)
I waited and waited
for a magical adventure.
maybe it's just that i watched too many cartoons
or read too many books..
I don't know.
I desperately wanted to believe in magic.
Nothing ever happened though.
Sigh.

you know how in some stories, the kid wakes up and they think it's a dream?
or their memories are completely erased?
like.. as they say their farewells the magical beings are like "you wont remember anything" etc etc?
well...
nowadays...
to console myself,
I like to think I HAVE encountered some wort of magical stiuation (or several)
and they just erased all my memories.
^^;;;

_

If i were a boy

yea sorry. i totally wasnt trying to be funny with the Beyonce song.
uhh
yea >__<""
so. today
i was sitting in engin study room.
next to ryan
and
they were playing cards
(cool story amy ==")
anway
i was txting sarah (we'd agreed to meet back in engin study area after class)
but she wasnt there yet
and so i asked her where she was
and then she comes walking into study area and sits down.
and i thought she saw me..
(sorry i'm getting to the punchline soon)
but then she replies to my txt
something along the lines of
"in engin study area.. Come."
and i stand up and turn around and said to her
"wth why'd you txt me?O_o"
and she's like
"OMG.... !! I thought you were a guy!!"
-followed by laughter-
and
"ohhhhhhhhhhh amyyy... you just got owned."
and she proceeds to try and explain
but it was like rubbing salt in my wound man.

qq

seriously.
i'm manly enough as it is.
but noooooooo i just HAD to get a boyish haircut.
damn it.
freaking man jokes TT" they follow me everywhere now.
can't wait till my hair grows out.

_

I'm tired

just.
give me a way out already.
thanks.

no i'm not implying what everyone will assume i'm implying.

you win.
okay?
you fucking win.

If I die young

bury me in satin
Lay me down on a
bed of roses
Sink me in the river
at dawn
Send me away
with the words of a love song



My current on repeat song.
I'm not emo.
i swear
O_o
Listen to it =] it's a nice song.

P.S. Rachel i'm sorry =( I know it's a country song. please don't love me less.