Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Despite the fact that I had to analyse this film for academic purposes, I throroughly enjoyed it.

In the world of the movie, it is possible to go to a clinic and have your memories of a particular person erased. It's centred around a couple - Joel and Clementine. She has him erased from her memory after they break up and he finds out. So, as a "fuck you" to her, he decides to undergo the procedure as well. The film is largely set inside his head as he tries to hide the memory of Clementine within other memories when he suddenly decides that he doesn't want to forget her.

meh. i'm not good at giving synopses....(i remember i used to tell people about books i'd read and try to convince them to read it by telling them about the book and it would always result in them saying that it sounded boring... =___=")

so yea,

google it.
imdb it.
stream it.
watch it.

I think for me, It's not a question of whether the good memories trump the bad.
I guess it'd be a little about what I learnt from those experiences and how these lessons learnt would be forgotten and I may make the same mistakes again.
But I think it's mostly about losing a part of myself if those memories are erased. I think it's that during the process of erasure, I would suddenly regret it, as Joel did in the movie. I think it's that I dislike letting go of things.
I guess after the procedure, I wouldn't know what I'd forgotten so it'd be okay. Ignorance is bliss, and all that jazz.
But I'd hate feeling like I'd forgotten something. I'd hate going to a place and feeling like I'd been there before with someone special. I'd hate that feeling like I'd lost something but not know what.
I'd live in a constant state of deja vu. I'd hate all these unexplainable emotions triggered by things that should mean nothing.

I wonder if I've caused anyone enough pain that they'd want to erase me?


If I could erase you....


_

I really miss my mum

I never thought I'd stop living with her while i was still in school
I always thought I'd move out after I got a job, or went overseas..
Maybe you'll think "wow, what a baby... Amy's 20 already. She should just grow up"
But.. well... I'm still a kid.
I'm super needy. lol
plus, i've always been super close to my mum.
like.. I tell her almost everything. I ask for her advice on everything.. She's like my best friend
I love her with an intensity that i can't describe.

I wish she was here.
She always makes everything better.
Just her presence alone can lift my spirits.
I miss her
I miss not letting her go to bed cause i just wanted to keep talking to her
I miss coming home and giving her a hug
I just miss her a lot suddenly.

I'm homesick.
Because home is where she is.
):

_

I'm doing okay~

Thank you~

^________^

I suddenly feel miserable

But please don't ask me why.

Cause I don't know.









I'm lying.

I know.

But I'm not going to tell you.

_

Why is it like this?

Why does it have to be like this?

When I feel a crack, a gap, a chasm
I immediately back away because I don't want to be swallowed whole by it.
I'm scared.
So I draw back.
Instead of trying to bridge the gap, I turn away.
I don't want to fall.

_

Violent Emotions

I want to be so sad I can't stand it
I want to cry, uncontrollably and inconsolably.
I want my tears to blind me, to drown me.
I want to choke on my tears, I want to sob, I want to gasp for air
I want to curl up on the floor and not care that the bathroom tiles are cold
I want to cry till my eyes get all red and puffy, till my head hurts, till I feel like I've used up all my tears.
then realize my sleeves are soaked, the knees of my jeans are soaked and I've used up too many tissues
then look in the mirror and realize I'm a complete mess.

I want to be so angry I can't stand it
I want to be so angry I want to cry, but fight back the tears because I'd rather be angry than sad.
I want to want to yell, I want to fight
I want to want to argue until my opponent backs down
I want to feel my heart pounding as I say something defiant, something cruel, something I probably will regret saying.
I want to feel the words forming on my tongue and on my lips
I want to feel the thrill the words leaving my mouth, watching their effect on my victim
I want to relish the feeling, and I would, if i were sufficiently angry.
I want to be implusive and act upon impluse.
then stand in the silence that follows, fixing my eyes upon the whoever I'm angry at, daring them to look away.

I want to love someone so much I can't stand it
I want to be caught up in everything they say and everything they do
I want to love fiercely, with abandon, with a burning intensity.
I want to be estatically happy because of love.
I want to fight for love, work hard for love.
I want to find love, I want to lose love - and cry.
I want to feel that heartache again, the feelings welling up in my chest.
I want to worry and fret and lose sleep.
I want to smile that secret smile.
I want to love like Heathcliff; like Neruda's poems.


I want to feel violent emotions
(lol Wuthering Heights much?)

not this dull ache.

_

not to complain but...

@!#%##$@$%$#

English 345 - 15% assignment (1000 words) due 8th
FTVMS 307 - 20% assignment (1500 words) due 16th
FTVMS 309 - 20% assignment (1000 words) due 17th
FTVMS 326 - 30% assignment (2000 words) due 22nd
English 310 - 15% assignment (1200 words) due 25th

FML

cool story aye.
should i tell it again?
T^T

_